Posted by: visitor | 2008/07/02

it seems his spirit is broken...

my husband has been self employed for many years. the last few years we have battled financially and it came to a point a few months ago that he gave it all up and found a job (well paying with co vehicle and free fuel) of course i am very happy about this as we really went through a difficult time. He is not happy at all and i know he would like to be self employed again. he has changed esp towards me. he usually talks and laughs a lot but is now very quiet. i think he resents me in a way. i have tried to talk to him but he shuts me out. i feel like i must just let him get on with it and he will adjust and should stop asking him whats wrong, is he ok!!!
what advice CS

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Our expert says:
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Sad that he feels bad about gaining a good job with a salary and perks that make both of your lives so much better, and that he hankers after being self-employed, even though that line of work seems to have been largely a failure. COuld you persuade him to join you in marriage counselling to work on these and broader issues together ? Try praising him for the good things he has gained. Rather than adguring or prodding him about what;s wrong, frequently thank him for his kindness in taking a job that has relieved those financial worries, and enables you to feel more secure --- remind him to love how, even though it isn't all he'd wished for at this stage, he is such a loving and good provider. Reinforce and encourage all the good things about who he is and what he is doing now. Even in little things ( though avoid getting monotonous !) tell him how nice it is to be able to aford something nice for dinner, without worrying so much about whether you can afford it.

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