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Question
Posted by: Kerry | 2007/04/02

It hurts more than i expected!!!

Hi!!! not too long ago, i asked for advice on my 'frends with benefits' issue. I spent the entire weekend with my friend, it was lovely, we had so much fun together, he was caring and sweet. But.... it was all ruined when his ex called,actually yesterday she called several times! I was only able to hear one conversation. They had a sweet conversation while i sat there and listened. It hurt so much, i barely managed to keep it together but we not exactly in a relationship so i really dont have a right to complain or be hurt. But im human... i've fallen for this man... and im hurting. Do i carry on see'ing him??? Or do i cut my losses and walk away??? Am i over reacting ??? Please guy's, i really need your advice!!!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

SOunds like part of the problem is that the actual nature of your relationship with him is unclear and ambiguous. Have you discussed with him what is ( or isn't ) happening, and how you feel about his continuing relationship with his Ex ?

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Annelize | 2007/04/02

I have been through the same, but in my case it was my childs father that did that to me after we broke up. I know you are hurting, but the thing is that the friends with benefits thing normally only works from the man side, mostly woman develop feelings for the guy. Anyways, I don't think he's a friends ass, because a friend will not be so recless with another friends feelings! Good luck!

Reply to Annelize
Posted by: Ncebza | 2007/04/02

Friends with benefits? That sounds more like a no strings relationship to me. Girlfriend you need to get over it and move on find someone who will love and respect you. I understand you, its not easy to get over someone you love even though you are not happy with the things he does, you keep holding on. I'm like that as well, giving true love to the wrong person but now I'm growing, I try not to let that take over my life.

He's not worth it, find something to keep you busy then you wont be thinking of him all the time. GET OVER IT or it will destroy you.

I feel for you dear, good luck.

Reply to Ncebza
Posted by: H | 2007/04/02

This won't help you but I understand the way you are feeling. The hardest thing is to look at a 'relationship' you have with somebody who is precious to you and understand (with your head) that you love him, but that it cannot work. I am trying daily to do this. I wish things could be different, but they aren't. And will never be. You are hurting yourself. Be kind to yourself. I also know I'm supposed to walk away but find stupid reasons not to. All the best - hope you manage to take care of yourself.

Reply to H
Posted by: Kerry | 2007/04/02

Thanks 4 the encouragement Ness!!!

Britty sometimes harsh is good!!! The problem is ive known this guy forever, he was the first man ive ever been with.(intimate) I'm just really scared to walk away because i know that i will have to cut all ties with him. If i dont then i'll end up doing the same thing again.Its happend before. Its like i cant do with him and i cant do without him!

Reply to Kerry
Posted by: Britty | 2007/04/02

I hope I didn't sound harsh in my reply and I am thinking that maybe you need some counselling to help you make this decision. Take care.

Reply to Britty
Posted by: Britty | 2007/04/02

I think this is the third time you posted it - everybody tells you to walk away and let go but you are hanging on, for what? Maybe right now you aren't ready to walk away but it will happen one day and i hope you get to that point soon!

Reply to Britty
Posted by: Ness | 2007/04/02

Shame sweets. Really you absolutely have to cut your losses and walk away..... The old saying of he can miss you unless you go is very true here. He has it too easy and you are the one getting hurt. I know its hard (I've been there) but it will never get any better and you will carry on getting hurt so leave now. Be strong

Reply to Ness

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