Posted by: Lulu | 2009/03/25

It almost happened - well it did

About a month ago (25/02/09) i wrote about my boyfriend who said that it almost happened with the girl he works with. Well yesterday he finally told me the truth. It ended up that he has cheated on me with her since January already (since i started suspecting it). He told me he had sex with her about 2 weeks ago (unprotected).

I asked him how &  when and he amazingly told me everything. He also told me that he still loves me and asked me if he could ever come back to me one day. These past few months has been a really tough time 4 me. He told me that he wants to be with her and not with me. We had a very " civil"  conversation and all i could do was cry. He told me he is really sorry. I also phoned her last night while i was at his house and she told me he said that things between us has been over for a while. During all this time that i suspected him i asked him every single day if there is someone else and if it is the girl he works with and he said no. He told me he loved me and when i broke up with him he begged me to take him back and tol d me that he cannot live without me cause he still loves me. I had sex with him all this time not knowing he had sex with another girl. I always were proud because our love 4 each other was so strong. There were so many times in the past that he could have cheated and he didn' t and that kept me going. What am i to do. I think about taking my own life cause all my life since i was a little girl people have dissapointed me.My mother, my friends my family, and he was my rock, but now him. I feel like i' m living a useless life. I feel like i' m only living to be hurt by people whom i love the most. I begged God to take my life, cause i' m tired of getting hurt and dissapointed. I know there are people with much bigger and worse problems then mine, but this is my story and i don' t know how to deal with it. Do i go 4 counseling to help get through this or do i work through it alone. I don' t have any friends to support me, i have no one. I just need someone to hold me for just a while, but i don' t have anyone. I really need an experts opinion. I feel like i' m falling into this deep depression state over this, because all this time that he treated me so bad he stringed me along untill. Please help.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I don't understand him. He says h loves you, and wants to be able to come back to you, but now wants to be with her ? he cannot live without you, yet he wants to do so ? Sounds like a guy who wants his bread butttered on both sides of each slice.
Don't think of harming yourself just because he has displayed les morals than a garden worm --- that's about him, not about you. It's his life that is prety useless, not yours. You have loved too much and trusted too easily SO FAR, and with the aid of a counsellor can learn not to give up on love and trust, but to love and trust more cautiously, and with happier results. I am sure you can benefit considerably by proper counselling, preferably of the Cognitiv-Behaviour Therapy, CBT form. With help like that, you an become happier, and stronger.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: suede | 2009/03/25

What i can plea from u is don' t take your life for something that does not worth it. Is gonna be as if your life was based on him get your own life dear there is plenty of guys even if is not guys but your girl friends meet them, talk about it, the more you talk the more you heal cry if you want so if you don' t cry it can cause complications in your body you' ll catch up any sickness very easily when your system is weak so be strong before you do anything stupid. I know is not easy to forgett but for your own health make sure u go for councilling and then after councill yourself on your own you' ll win you go girl we are on your side don' t be afraid to ask or seek advice

Reply to suede
Posted by: Suri | 2009/03/25


The funny things is when we got 2gether i came out of an emotional abusive relationship and he was a drug addict. We helped eachother through tough times of our lifes. There was a lot of emotional bagged involved when we got 2gether. If it wasn' t 4 my help &  support he would not have been where he was 2day,probably in jail and part of a gang. And we fell inlove later in our relationship. I met him 2 months after i broke up with my ex. Only after i got over the other guy and it took me 5 months, and only then me and my bfriend had sex. He didn' t mind waiting. He din' t mind holding me while i was crying over the other guy still.. And we eventually fell in love. There was a time when he wasn' t allowed at my house (we both still stay with our parents) and we stood outside in the cold, in the middle of winter but we wanted 2 be together. We didn' t mind, beacause we wanted 2 be together. God so many things happend, but we stayed together. He says maybe its a faze that he is going through. But this behavbiour proves alot.

Reply to Suri
Posted by: Sheeesch ! | 2009/03/25

Again, I am gob smacked ! When will you guys ever come to realise that the MOMENT there is the slightest hint of cheating, its the end. No coming back ,no sorry, no I' ve changed ,no nothing. Over , finito, cheers and goodbye. Not all guys are shits like that and you will find someone you deserve, just hang in there. This jerk knows nothing about love, lust maybe, but not love. Again, I know its hard to resist ,especially when the guys are pressuring you but its not a good idea to hop in the sack too soon. Generally, at the start of a relationship guys are looking for instant gratification with no emotional involvement, whereas the girls are looking more for the emotional side, love etc. Stay away from the sex for a good while and test his resolve and then take it slowly, there is a lot you can do without going " all the way"  AND its a lot safer too !! Look after yourself girl.

Reply to Sheeesch !
Posted by: James | 2009/03/25

Your story is the same as mine was except it was my wife that did the dirty. I also begged God to take me and am still here, thankfully. Things do get better, I have been divorced now a few years and it gets better all the time. Time is a wonderful healer, let him go and forget about him, there are much better people out there.

It is a painful thing to go through and seems so bad now because the wounds are so fresh, but just like any wound it heals in time and the scabs fall away, take time to find your feet again and move on, you do not need him and people are far stronger than we give ourselves credit for.

Reply to James
Posted by: Lulu | 2009/03/25

Thank you all. T I asked him why he had unprotected sex with her. I told him he is selfish and that i could get sick. Because i don' t really know this girl ,but a few years back she did the same thing with another couple who also have been 2gether 4 a long time. That couple is back 2gether. But listen 2 this her boyfriend died of TB on 8 January this year. My bfriend started working with her on 5 Jan. How do you explain this. How can you be with someone elses guy in less than a month after your boyfriend died.

D thank you its good 2 know i' m not alone. Thanks 4 the encouragement, i really need it. Thank you SC 4 always replying. Thank you all. I feel a little better already.

Reply to Lulu
Posted by: T | 2009/03/25

Get yourself tested for HIV. He' s selfish, irresponsible with your life and safety &  doesn' t deserve you.

Reply to T
Posted by: D | 2009/03/25


It will be extremely hard to move on from here, but it will be well worth it in the end! Oh and eventually, he will come running back to you and then you will have own back by turning him down and telling him to bugger off!
You will realise you are better off without him!
I believe we meet many soulmates along the way and if you tell yourself that he is just one of them and you will meet others eventually you will be fine.

It took me 5 years to get over mine, it was a 7 year relationship and he was my first everything and during that 5 years I was completey celibate practically a, but what i did do was find myself again, went out made friends, and thanks to 2 friends that never gave up on me I was on the road to recovery! The five years of abstinence was the best thing I ever did!

You need to start doing things you always wanted to do and maybe things you couldn' t do when your were with him and along the way I promise you will start making friends! It can be a lonely road but its how you handle it thats important! Dont go the suicide route for a me I tried it and its not worth it

I am sure when you dead and gone it will give him more arrogance to think you couldn' t live without him making him out to be the one and heck with that, the best you can do is pick yourself up and show him you can live without him and you can be happy without him, don' t give him that power over you!

Everything happens for a reason, after 5 years of being single and he kinda stalking me, although he was the one that broke up with me, I have met a wonderful man and we have a beautiful son, our love is real and not blinded by anything. I thank my ex in a way for making me realise the meaning of blinded by love and teaching myself to be cautious just a little! Time heals all wounds, trust me that holds true!

Good luck and have faith in yourself!

Reply to D
Posted by: R | 2009/03/25

I feel so sorry for you!!!!!!! Why do they do it to the people they say they love? Please never think of taking your own life!!! You have more to live for and I know you hurt a lot!! I am also going through this difficult part of my life and know how you feel. Empty and alone. But please get professional help to take you through this bad time!!!

Reply to R

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