Posted by: Anon | 2008/10/30

Issues with Mom


Ok here goes. Myself, fiance and our son moved in with my parents 6 months ago. Now we have found a place to stay but my mom is throwing a big fit. How we disrupted her life and she will not look after my son after school she works at the same school and offered from the time he started school to look after him i do pay her R1200 a month for her to look after him from 1 until 5. I only pay 460 a month for creche. I honestly don' t mind paying her as it helps her. We will be moving 15 kms from her and now she says i am being incosiderate and being selfish and not thinking of my son. If we are going to move i must put my son in creche full day and dont bother asking her for help. My fiance has been called all the names under the sun because according to her he is the one that is forcing me to move wich is not the case as this was a decision that was made together as i see it we need to be our own family specially as we have another child on the way and need our space. Why would she act like this. Now i feel as if i am stuck between a rock and a hard place as i don' t know who to please wich is very fustrating. I want my mom to understand and i want my fiance to understand without getting cross with me how i feel but noone is worried about how i feel they are putting pressure on me both of them.

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Our expert says:
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SOunds like she is unhappy that you'll be moving away from her, and is trying to find other ways to complain about this and to discourage you from doing so. Simply explain it calmly to her as you did in this message, and include the fact that you pay her more than a creche would cost, because you like to be able to rely on her care, and hope the extra is convenient for her ; but that if she opposes this necessary move, you'll just have to place him in the creche full day, and would regret having to do that. Presumably your fiancee is bewildered at findign himself accused and under attack. Explain things calmly to him, too, and enlist his help to be calm but firm towards your mom, and not to take the bait she offers to create conflict

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