Posted by: Not So Crazy | 2008/07/02

Is this smothering?

Hi Doc,

My girlfriend recently got a new job and now she has to travel alone in the mornings to get to work. I try calling her to check if she has reached work safely and when she does not answer I send her an sms. If she does not respond to the sms I get really worried and then try to call and sms her several times. I then get a reply from her saying that I am smothering her and that she does not need to tell me when she is at work. Is this smothering even though all I want to know is if she is safely at work?

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Our expert says:
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To some extent "smothering" is an attitude. WHat you are doing is caring, but apparently for some reason she does not fully appreciate it. Many very sensible people do exactly what you do, and are appreciated for their thoughtfulness. YOu're not nosing into what she's doing, just asking for confirmation that she has arrived safely. Indeed, if she would call or SMS you on safe arrival, there'd be no need for her to bother her at all.
I'd wonder whether this complaint from her suggests more of a problem than appears on the surface, and maybe some ambivalence in the relatonship ? Or perhaps she likes to keep her Work life very separate from her Home life, and doesn't like to have to explain who she is communicating with once she has arrived at work

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Our users say:
Posted by: Brite | 2008/07/02

My hubby does the same and I appreciate it!

Reply to Brite
Posted by: coco | 2008/07/02

i wish i had a boyfie like you. she will realize it when you are gone

Reply to coco
Posted by: John | 2008/07/02

Given the troubled times we live in, I can understand your concern for her safety. Tell her that you simply need to know that she is safely at work and that a simple 'missed call' from her when she reaches work will suffice. You can do the same - give her a missed call, no need for idle chatter, just a means of reassuring each other.

Reply to John
Posted by: Gel | 2008/07/02

hey bro, i think you doing the right thing. you just want to know that she got there safe.
i do the same thing with my gf.

Reply to Gel
Posted by: Tilly | 2008/07/02

well if she would answer you the first time you called, you wouldn't need to smother her. I dont think its smothering, all you want to do is see if she is okay.

Reply to Tilly
Posted by: Maria | 2008/07/02

That depends. Is it a dangerous area she is travelling in? Then your concern is justified. Otherwise yes, it can be called smothering.

Reply to Maria

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