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Question
Posted by: Amy | 2007/08/20

Is this real?

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME ! !

I am married to a dedicated, loyal and loving husband. We have been married for 14 years and have three kids. We both work hard at our relationship and all the rest of the world can see is a very happy family. This is also a true reflection of my family but for one part. For the past three years, I have never revealed to ANYONE that I have fallen for one of MY HUSBAND'S friends. This guy is also married and although I do sense chemistry between us, neither has ever revealed that we could be more than friends. I would like to state that i have no intention of acting on my feelings or of breaking up two families for the sheer pleasure of satisfied lust. In fact, I've deliberately avoided all contact with him and only speak or see him when I have no other choice, which is rare. We have never spent any time alone. I'm worried though that after three years, my feelings for him have only grown to the point where I'm constantly thinking of him. I feel terribly guilty and ungratefully selfish for not appreciating my husband the way I should. I know that i'm incredibly lucky to have such a great husband who have done nothing but be supportive towards me.

HAVE I ROMANTISIZED THIS PERSON SO MUCH THAT HE PROBABLY HAS BECOME A FIGMENT OF MY IMAGINATION OR AM I JUST AN UNGRATEFUL, SHELFISH, IMMORAL AN UNDESERVING WIFE WHO SPENDS EVERY WAKING MOMENT PRETENDING TO BE A LOVING???.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

You know that no good EVER comes from a married woman having an affair with a maried man, let alone when the guy is your husband's best friend. It does sound as though this has become an unwholesome obsession, based largely on your fantasies about how things might be, rather than on any reality of how things are. YOu are indeed in love with the idea of being in love, and with a figment of your imagination.
See a counsellor to sort out these unwelcome and unhelpful feelings, and consider then working with your husband in some sessions of marriage counselling to enhance your marriage, for the sake of both of you

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Amy | 2007/08/21

Thanks for all the advice. It's really been helpful. I realise that I'm quite capable of causing my own misery and I really hope and pray that time will heal all wounds.

Reply to Amy
Posted by: Hope | 2007/08/21

Many of use long for security, and then find it to become a bit boring. I think you are probably just curious, and longing for some excitement in your life, as life with your husband has probably become somewhat routine. I commend you for having restraint and not acting upon your urges for this other man. Your husband loves you and you know that any actions of the sort could devastate and destroy your family. I agree that you should plan a weekend or even a night out with your husband, doing something that the two of you wouldn't normally do. I think you are just looking for that flame that use to burn between the two of you, that has died down a bit over the years. There is nothing wrong with a little bit of fantasy, a little imagination, as long as you keep it at just that. So to answer your question, there is nothing wrong with you. Just stay focused on your marriage, your family, and what you can do to make the most out of each day you share. If your husband doesn't agree to the night out, just tell him that you have just been feeling a bit bored and would like to add a little excitement to your relationship. Assure him that you appreciate all he does for you, and make it as though this is something that you want to do for him.. Have fun...and enjoy the man who has treated you so well for all these years. Besides, what would it say about the other man if he was willing to step out on his wife, other than he would be a man who was unfaithful and not worthy of trust. Stick to your security, as it is very hard to find.........Good luck.

Reply to Hope
Posted by: girlfriend | 2007/08/20

i've just cheated on my boyfriend - and the torment from with in is unbearable! please don't do it, for your sake

Reply to girlfriend
Posted by: anon | 2007/08/20

Sounds like you have romanticized this person.....like a fantasy all consuming.....now imagine if you spent the time and energy on your marriage and husband. There must be something lacking in your relationship or marriage to even allow you to constantly think of this other man. Think carefully of what it could be.

Make a date with your husband, book a weekend away just the two of you, plan some exciting activities to do together.....

Reply to anon

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