Posted by: Chants | 2009/02/03

Is this normal?


I was abused by a family friend as a little girl, only told my folks much later but they never believed me...i eventually had a nervous breakdown, moved out and did eventually end up speaking to them again. Now the problem i have is that....i have these dreams where i' m being abused and the perpertrator is my father....or if i' m not being attacked then it' s just him having intercourse with me...please help, this is so disturbing for me, i cant handle it....what is going on with me??? me and dad always had a bad relationship...i dont know why i have these dreams and i want it to stop. PLEASE HELP.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Its so sad, isn't it, how often adults don't want to believe it whan a child reports having been abused in any way ? They'd rather believe that a child is a liar or fantasizing, than believe that adults they know are capable of such awful behaviour.
If I understand you, I gather that it was someone else, not your father, who abused you, but nowadays you are dreaming of him being an abuser. This can happen, and is one of the reasons why one has to be very cautious about memories of abuse. After real abuse, like other forms of trauma, one tends to always remember that it happened, forgetting at most only small details, and perhaps managing not to think of it for periods of time. When someone suddenly starts "remembering" something completely new, it is often something that did not actually happen, but which arises for complex other reasons. YOu would probably best be helped by seeing a good therapist, but NOT one who specializes exclusively or fiercely in matters of child abuse --- far too often I find such therapists use their patients to work out their own issues and fantasies. best find someone who is a good general therapist, who can look at these specific problems, and work with what is NOW troubling you --- bad dreams --- rather than insisting on plunging back into trying to scrape together every element of the past, which is NOT useful.

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