Our expert says:
Given your constant fighting it is understandable that you have now developed difficulities with arousal (becoming wet) because I imagine you are dreading sex and do so in order to meet your expectations of yourself as a wife (or to prevent another fight).
We know that it is common that men and women have different libido's (sexual appetite) and managing this can be tricky as fingers of blame are often pointed at each other. It would be important to check out whether this difference has always been the case, or if it has developed over the course of the last few years.
If it has always been the case, it would be helpful to establish whether you have an unusually low libido (i.e. has this been the case for you in previous relationships, have you ever felt a hunger for sex) and/or whether your husband's libido is unusually high (i.e. does he have unrealistic expectations of sex, have previous partners also found this to be too much, does he struggle to feel satisfied after sex and engage in other sexual activities to meet his needs).
However, if this problem has developed over time, it sounds like the curse which befalls many of us in long-term relationships. The natural love chemicals that help us to feel sexy and the flush of being in love are known to fade after usually about 6months and 4years! In this case the discrepancy between your desire needs to be discussed, and managed (including negotiated if need be).
It would also be important to check out if there are any reasons for your lower libido - eg. relationship factors like anger, mistrust, fear; individual issues like tiredness, depression or side effects of medication. These would need to be addressed to improve matters.
You can seek professional help from either your GP, gynae. Alternatively call the SASHA helpline for a professional in your locality (0860 100 262).
The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal
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