Posted by: Desperate | 2008/09/08

Is this normal?

I have been married for 3 years and it has been a constant fight between me and hubby because sex is not that important to me and he on the other hand has a very high sex drive

The problem now is that I do not get wet by myself and I do not have a sex urge. Is this normal and what can I do?

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Our expert says:
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Given your constant fighting it is understandable that you have now developed difficulities with arousal (becoming wet) because I imagine you are dreading sex and do so in order to meet your expectations of yourself as a wife (or to prevent another fight).

We know that it is common that men and women have different libido's (sexual appetite) and managing this can be tricky as fingers of blame are often pointed at each other. It would be important to check out whether this difference has always been the case, or if it has developed over the course of the last few years.

If it has always been the case, it would be helpful to establish whether you have an unusually low libido (i.e. has this been the case for you in previous relationships, have you ever felt a hunger for sex) and/or whether your husband's libido is unusually high (i.e. does he have unrealistic expectations of sex, have previous partners also found this to be too much, does he struggle to feel satisfied after sex and engage in other sexual activities to meet his needs).

However, if this problem has developed over time, it sounds like the curse which befalls many of us in long-term relationships. The natural love chemicals that help us to feel sexy and the flush of being in love are known to fade after usually about 6months and 4years! In this case the discrepancy between your desire needs to be discussed, and managed (including negotiated if need be).

It would also be important to check out if there are any reasons for your lower libido - eg. relationship factors like anger, mistrust, fear; individual issues like tiredness, depression or side effects of medication. These would need to be addressed to improve matters.

You can seek professional help from either your GP, gynae. Alternatively call the SASHA helpline for a professional in your locality (0860 100 262).

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: jimbo | 2008/09/08

may i sugest you go see your gp and explain your problem to him quick if you dont your man will start looking elsewhere and you will loose him ,,your problem can be solved but you have to make the first step because its not normal to not be aroused by your man ...maybe deep down you may not feel the same for him as when you got married so its up to u to how bad you want to satisfy him ...good luck ...

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