Posted by: phiphie | 2004/10/25

is this love or what

thanks for the wonderful forum and to the shrink as well

i have a problem, because i think about him all the time. this is the man that i met last year. a very caring and loving man, who loves children a lot.

he is single and does not have children of his own, but he wants to settle down. he was interested in me, but now everything came to a standstill because i told him that i have a child from my previous relationship.

now he says he still loves me but theres nothing he can do because he wants to marry somebody who does not have a child,therefore he will work on these feelings and try to forget me. we have not spoken for 2 months now and its not easy for me... i miss him so much

do i call him or wait by the fone for him to call me? or do i forget about him? why cant we just love each other, even if theres a child involved? please help

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Our expert says:
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Dear phiphie,
Sorry to hear about your dilemma. It happens. Some men are very sensitive about the idea of bringing up another man's child ; some are very happy about the idea. It's hard to predict. That's why it's wise, as Me says, to be straightforward about this from the start. --- as you say you did. Maybe he didn't fully understand the strength of his own felings in this respect, until later in the developing relatonship. But from the sound of it, with him having indicated that he doesn't want to proceed, and him having moved away, it's over, and it'd be wise to move on. As TEW says, you want a man who can love you AND your child, and this guy doesn't seem to be the one you need.

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Our users say:
Posted by: mpumelelo | 2004/10/26

talking from experience, this is a blessing in disguise and you m ust just have a room for this kind of a dissapoinment, my cousin married a woman with a child and they have now two of their own, as i write this, he doesnt want to do anything with this first child and guess what?, it is so normal for the wife, cause she feels that life must go on without the other child in the house just to safe the marriage , i mean this is madness, what is that you must do with your child, kill the child so that the bustard can love you, please my dear sister, just go on with your life. maybe there's a better life out there for you and your child .
good luck and keep us posted.

Reply to mpumelelo
Posted by: BC | 2004/10/26

This is conditional love from him. He is not worth it.
Think about it, he prepared to forget you instead of trying to accept this fact, he can only accept you if you dump you kid for him. Will you?

Reply to BC
Posted by: TEW | 2004/10/25

Well here is the thing:

you have a child right - which you love and want to have a happy life too and you have met a man whom you like "love" and he says that he doesnt want to be involved with you bec of your child.

There is only 1 ANSWER to this...

Move on as if he doesnt want to be involved with you and your child ,he isnt worth it esp for your childs sake!!!

Dont you want to find someone who can be a loving father figure to your child??? You just need to be patient and the right guy will come along, even though you are feeling down at this stage, life will move on and you will look back and know you made the right choice not onlly for your child but for yourself too!

Reply to TEW
Posted by: Me | 2004/10/25

Most of men don't like relationships that involve children except that those chidlren belong to them, like Jasmine said respect his wishes and move on. His one person who doesn't want to be involve with someone who has a child maybe he prefers to start afresh with someone who doesn't have kids. Most man likes what belongs to them Sorry, sister but u have to move on.

Reply to Me
Posted by: phiphie | 2004/10/25

sorry, i made a mistake. i told him about my child on the first day we met.

we were communicating as friends all the time, but now he is quiet and its killing me cause i miss him so much.

he was also upfront about not wanting to marry a woman who has a child but kept on sending me love sms's. now im so in love and i miss him. he relocated to another town.

he is 32 and has been looking for ms right for a long time, when he met me, he was happy cause he loves me and i also love him. the only thing that bothers him is that i have a child, why is it so difficult for him?

Reply to phiphie
Posted by: Jasmine | 2004/10/25

Respect his wishes and move on.

Reply to Jasmine
Posted by: Me | 2004/10/25

U should have been upfront and honest with him in the first place. Now that there is a child involved, i think its gonna be difficult for him. I would suggest that u wait until he phones u, otherwise i don't think he still feel the same way about you.


Reply to Me

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