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Question
Posted by: Nadia | 2004/02/06

Is there something wrong with me?

There are plenty of guys who ask me to go have coffee with them. I'm single and in the past i thought why not, what do i have to loose. Now i tell them sorry i have a boyfriend because all the guys i have had coffee with want more from me than just friendship after drinking coffee with them only once. One wants me to fly to C.T to meet his family, the one wants to spend every minute of the day with me ect ect. They don't even know me so well. The one guy sent me red roses the next day and when i reacted to it he said he was only being friendly. I'm not looking for a boyfriend at the moment.I've just come out of a relationship with a guy who cheated on me.
Is there something wrong with me?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Dear Nadia,
Just goes to show that caffeine has more side-effects than we recognized ! There's nothing wrong with you. Maybe you're just naturally irresistable --- maybe in some way you don't recognize, perhaps due to having recently lost a relationship, you communicate a sense of being emotionally needy or open for a relationship, which they want to help with. Maybe they know your istory, and are trying to exploit the situation. Who knows ?
Whatever, can't you just say, calmly and pleasantly, when they make any such suggestions -- thanks, that's flattering, but I've just come out of a painful relationship, and I'm absolutely not ready to start another one yet. ?

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Candy | 2004/02/08


You are all so wrong. Im 29, and pretty thanks.

Reply to Candy
Posted by: Volcano | 2004/02/08

I think most of you missed my point. Nadia seems like a genuine (very attractive) person and poor Candy wishes she was like her.

Reply to Volcano
Posted by: Eclipse | 2004/02/06

Ok, Nadia, I think you attract too much attetion. You are obviously very beautiful and sweet and is like a magnet to most men. They get swept away by your beauy. Do you love coffee that much? Maybe you can also try to say no to the next guy that asks you. Surely you will be able to sense when a guy is a bit freaky when he asks you for coffee. If he's freaky, just say that you dont think it's a good idea. If he looks like a decent guy, then go for it! But still be careful and make yourself very clear to the guy. Also be careful about your body language and what you say and how you say it.

Best of luck to you.

As for CANDY....I think you are just plain conceited. How old are you by the way? You are still at school, right?

Reply to Eclipse
Posted by: Dave | 2004/02/06


I think Candy meant 'especially attractive' volcano and I think that she is trying to say that the men Nadia is seeing dont know her yet they send her flowers and become to much to soon etc. She obviously is an attractive woman to most men. They dont seem to want to wait to see what shes like inside first.

Best of luck girls####

Reply to Dave
Posted by: Candy | 2004/02/06


I dont think its fair to generalise and to assume that we want men to 'grovel'. In any case Nadia agreed to what I said and the doc also said that there must be something about her that make the guys fall for her that way. She just didnt sound to me like shes even remotely interested in the men that 'grovel' to her. And I understand that.

Reply to Candy
Posted by: volcano | 2004/02/06

Candy, I doubt very much that you would like a challenging man. 'Espectionally attractive' (nogal) women who are so full of themselves usually want grovellers who must be at their beck and call. Nadia sounds like a sweet and charming person whose concern is the fact that the guys don't know her not that they are beneath her,.

Reply to volcano
Posted by: CT | 2004/02/06

Wrong, i am not a guy. Hope the next guy(''s) that take you out will be the way you wanted them to be.
Good luck.

Reply to CT
Posted by: Nadia | 2004/02/06

I do tell the guys that i don't want more than being just friends. Seems i just know how to pick the wrong ones!

Reply to Nadia
Posted by: Candy | 2004/02/06



Exactly my point!!! They come up with all this soppy crap!

Im not saying you must chase a man CT? All Im saying is she needs a guy that more challenging for her. Not a guy that says he gets lost in her eyes? CT you are obviously a guy arnt you so you wouldnt know what some of us women go through? Espectionally if you are an attractive women like Nadia and I are????

Reply to Candy
Posted by: Nadia | 2004/02/06

I'm glad i'm not the only one. I see you understand where i'm coming from. Thanks for the reply!

Reply to Nadia
Posted by: Nadia | 2004/02/06

I do let these guys know that i'm only in for the friendship part. There is not just those few things i have mentioned that they do and say. The guy that sent me the roses told me that evening that he gets lost in my beautiful green eyes and just wants to kiss me ect ect. I told him i'm not interested. BELIEVE ME, HE DOESN'T JUST WANT TO BE FRIENDS!!

Reply to Nadia
Posted by: ct | 2004/02/06

I agree with Coffee Drinker, if you do not want more than just friendship tell the guy... be honest and straight. And Candy no man like to be chased... that's a man's job not a lady! Maybe you two ladies just pick the wrong people to drink coffee with.

Reply to ct
Posted by: Candy | 2004/02/06


I know the feeling. The same thing happenend to me before I met my b/f. Men can get too much. Its like they think they love you and you've only just met them. I met this guy once and went out with him for dinner twice. At the end of that week he told me I hurt him? And then her made a cd for me with love songs on?? Yuk...

What I actually want to say is, you need a guy thats more of a challenge. A guy that makes you chase him a bit. Not some man that thinks he loves you after one day.

Reply to Candy
Posted by: coffee drinker | 2004/02/06

Nothing wrong with you, but do you tell all these men you are not looking for a boyfriend, but only friendship? It also does not mean if you get flower's the guy want's more, like he said he was just friendly. Also if someone want to spend more time with you does not mean hewant to be your boyfriend, probably only wants to get to know you better, to be a friend! To clear up any misunderstanding, when going for coffee again tell the man straight...no trips, no flowers please and you definately do not want to see and spend time with him everday, because you are just not interested...........thanks for the coffee but no thanks to any kind of friendship. I think you are a bit selfish.

Reply to coffee drinker

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