Is there something verkeerd with me ?

Question

Posted by: Deurmekaar | 2005/06/13

Is there something verkeerd with me ?

I finished my undergrad degree and I got a job . Started at really low levels but have since advanced ( but not that much!) had a specific career direction I wanted to follow but due to lack of experience , I was willing to get into any job that will eventually open the doors for me to my ultimate career goal. I work for a big company. I managed to hop from one job to another. Been working for about 10 yrs now . I then furthered my studies to increase my chances of getting there . I met a couple of students doing the same course I was doing but full time. They were not working but full time students. They have recently entered the job market ( about 3 years ago ) but they already have the kind of job I've been srruggling for 10 years to get into. Apart from that I'm currently in a similar role within the same company on 12 month probation. Why do I get to start on a probation whereas others I've been studying with get full time jobs yet they have little work experience? I'm really an optimistic person but sometimes I get so discouraged and wish I could just run away. I'm currently undergoing CBT for social anxiety. I understand that could have limited my chances but despite the social anxiety , I'm really a brilliant guy. People who get close to me realise that I'm really inteligent. I'm not blowing my horn. I won prestigious competitions at school and I passed some of my postgrad course with Cum Laude. What is wrong with me ? Am I not good enough ? I sometime lose the will to carry on. I've been looking for jobs everywhere but I have limited experience on almost everything I did, coz I hopped from one post to another in search of a way to get me there. I'm a decent guy , dresses well, well spoken , humble and nice person and very approachable. I dont know whether I have to change myself into being some " kick ass " kind of guy and be a real bitch ! I have a wife with 2 kids and I sometimes feel ashamed of myself and wonder if my sons wont end being losers like their dad. I 'd like to think that I'm not a loser but so far it looks like I am . Young men and women , 10 years my junior are doing what I always wanted to do and I'm stil stuck in the rut . What can I do ?

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Our expert says:

CyberShrink

Maybe other readers wih more experience of the job market and how it curently works, could advise on some aspects of your question. Congratulations on finding a CBT therapist, and that ought to work out well. You sound like the sort of guy any seisnible employer ought to value and want to have working for him. Changing to become some sort of a phony "kickass" type isn' likely to help. But ask your CBT therapist to help you work also on the diference between being assertive and aggressive, and by all means learn to become more assertive. You're not a loser, and your sons are likely, rather, to inherit the ability to be a decent human being, like their dad and mom.

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Our users say:

Posted by: Buzz | 2005/06/14

Why not see a career-counsellor, who can advice you on which route to take with your qualifications, taking into consideration your interests, strengths and weaknesses. I don't think at all that you're a loser, and you shouldn't entertain thoughts like that, because just now you'll start acting them out. You sound like a decent, well-educated guy to me, and very intelligent. What often happens nowadays in the workplace is the "older" ones get looked over for younger blood. Maybe you've been with this company too long, and it's time for a change. Good luck, and stop running yourself down!!!

Reply to Buzz

Posted by: lady nina | 2005/06/14

hi there

sometimes it takes more than just intelligents to get to the top
you need charm, a cunning personality, the ability to step on others to get to the top, to work long hours and have no social life.... do you really want to be that person?

you sound like a great guy and maybe getting that job you so want it not what is ment to be - maybe you are meant to greater things - eg being a good friend, good husband and father

nina

Reply to lady nina