Posted by: jodie | 2010/05/19

is there hope after this?

i am in a relationship of about 2 yrs with my we had quite a huge fight which got physical.i admit i pushed and hit him 1st and then he grabbed my hands, then put his arm around my neck and choked me until i could not breathe.he eventually stopped.i am not going to get into the details only because it will be too long a story.i know i should not have hit him at all but does this mean he had to choke me so hard.i will not excuse my behaviour or his for that matter.we have not called it quits yet as we were advised by my older brother to cool off and re-evaluate we agreed to talk question is- after today''s episode is there anything to salvage and is it even wise to save our relationship and if so how? im scared of this being a beginning of a destructive relationship.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

See a counsellor, together or at least separately

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Our users say:
Posted by: Woman | 2010/05/20

Sweetie, read your letter - you already are in a destructive relationship!

If you do decide to continue, the two of you need to get to a couples counselor quickly. Only with an objective third party, will the two of you be able to communicate clearly to each other. If he''s not willing to go, or you''re not willing to go, then end it now.

Reply to Woman
Posted by: been there...kinda | 2010/05/20

Hi there. Yes you were not justified in that you did start the physical action. I have to admit though, that if he was a " real"  man he would not have hurt you the way you describe. I will admit that i lashed out physically at my husband and (oh it hurts so much to talk about this...sob) but all he did was grab my wrists and try and restrain me. I think thats the best thing he could have done. I am prone to irrational rage and im not making excuses. But real love and care would have impelled him to not retaliate against you. I think that for your own safety, you should move on. Maybe you need time alone to work on your own issues? Being in a relationship who has the SAME issues as you, ie, tendency to get violent, will not help you heal. You need a complement (someone with the opposite tendency). In any case, how did you get to the point of being so upset that you resorted to hitting him? That should tell you something - you dont need this, love - if its so bad now, and he is willing to hurt you to THAT extent, please but your losses. And please, sweetie, take some time off to do some soul searching - in my experience, the kind of rage you felt which drove you to hit him is something that stems from an unresolved issue inside you. It would help to start getting to the root of that. I have been seeing a very good counselling psychologist who has helped me see why i react in certain ways. Please take care of yourself...

Reply to been there...kinda
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/05/20

See a counsellor, together or at least separately

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