Our expert says:
Surely, there IS hope, Babes. I'm pleased to hear that you resisted the temptation of suicide, which would have such a terrible impact on the children --- and would be so deeply unfair to YOU, as you still owe yourself many more chances to find happiness in life. Even if you have been damaged to some extent. you can heal yourself, with the appropriate expert help. You say you were diagnosed as Bipolar, and stopped the medication, understandably, during this latest pregnancy --- but also that you have a history of a significant Postnatal Depression after the first pregnancy, which should have made it a priority to resume proper medication right after delivery, and to have proper counselling throughout that period. And you should avoid making major decisions like divorce until your mental state has stabilized.
Remember, nothing inside you is rotten --- it FEELS AS IF it is rotten --- the difference is highly significant. It's not long to go until next year, if you can't manage to find a way to start counselling before then ( and I'm sure you will find it easier than you expect to talk about all this with any good counsellor / shrink --- you're eloquent and fluent here, already )--- and meanwhile, you should probably restart on the bipolar meds you were taking before, with antidepressant meds which your GP could supervise in the meantime.
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