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Question
Posted by: Pat | 2004/11/01

Is my hesitation stupid?

Less than two months ago, I met this guy who I had an instant liking for. Only to find out about a week later that he is married. At the same time he introduced me to one of his friends (who is not married),who fell in love with me...I also have lots of feelings for the friends. Am I stupid in hesitating going for the unmarried guy?
What is the best to do, in order to maintain a harmonious relationship between the three of us...and have a relationship with the unmarried guy...????

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Our expert says:
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Well, it would certainly be a really lousy idea to have an affair with the married guy, the unmarried guy is a nice guy with sufficient good teaste to appreciate you --- why hesitate to continue getting to know him ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: Kel | 2004/11/01


You making it seem as though you have to explain yourself to this married guy? Why is he even in this picture. He has no right to even comment on the two of you. Never mess around with married men. I speak from experience here. Your heart only gets destroyed!

Reply to Kel
Posted by: Pat | 2004/11/01

wife is not part of the friendship loop? I haven't met her.
Also when I go for the UnMarried guy...it will be a commited relationship...



Reply to Pat
Posted by: Shaun | 2004/11/01

Hi Pat,

My honest opinion is that it is really none of his business & you guys owe him nothing. You don't need his approval for you to be happy.

On the other hand, if you guys are such good friends, that you feel he needs to know, then you can make it known to him both ways. You can drop a hint that you like the unmarried guy & ask the married guys opinion. Don't make it serious as you don't want him in anyway thinking he has the right of deciding who you choose to go out with.
& Then the unmarried guy can drop a hint in a similar fashion to his friend.

I would say tho, that if he is a real friend, he will not say anything that would allow him to get involved in that situation, but he will offer support as the good friend should.

Just my opinion Pat.

Take care,
Shaun

Reply to Shaun
Posted by: Pat | 2004/11/01

Thanks Shaun...

I think that in my mind I have already decided to go for the unmarried guy...its just the way of going about it that I am not sure about...
I have been on a date with the unmarried guy already and it went great..we click better...
its just a matter of do I tell the other guy()...or just go ahead with the relationship and let him find out later on...or does he do the telling himself(friend to friend)?

Reply to Pat
Posted by: Trish | 2004/11/01

Where does this guy's wife come into the picture? Have you met her as she isn't mentioned at all? If you like the unmarried guy then I say go for it but don't do it for all the wrong intentions secretly hoping for the married man bcos that is bound to backfire and you'll be destroying his friendship with his buddy.

Mmm..still wondering where the wife fits in here. When you mention the 3 of you - is it the married, unmarried and you?

Reply to Trish
Posted by: Shaun | 2004/11/01

Hi Pat,

It seems that your married friend may be in his own trying to be good to you as he made arrangements to introduce you to a kewl friend of his.
Is it not possible for you to go on a date with the unmarried guy just to see how you would get on together & to determine your feelings for him?
I'm not sure as to the reason why you would feel your friendship may become threatened.
The one guy is married, & whether you like him or not, I feel you should respect the fact that he is married, regardless of his feelings for you.
The other guy is not married & seems to be interested in you, & you in him.
You can have a harmonious relationship as long as each of you know where you stand & don't dis-respect each other.

Sorry, but that's just my 2 cents worth...

Good luck with your decision.
Cheers,
Shaun

Reply to Shaun

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