Posted by: bobo | 2008/01/30

Is my gf telling me the truth

Hi. I have lived with my gf for over a year and as it goes we have had our ups and downs, I realised the other day on her phone that she had saved her ex boyfriends number under a girls name who we met at a party and obviously exchanged numbers. I also noticed sms message and telephone calls between them. she tells me she couldn't say no at the party but has told him over sms and phone to leave her alone cause she is happy. My problem is why did she save the number under a girls name, why did she lie to me when i confronted her about him calling her & why didn't tell me what was going to happen before i stumbled across this. It really has torn me up cause things have been so perfect and now this, am i overeacting or is this underhanded and signs that she is interested to look around or cheat?

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Our expert says:
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I understand why this bothers you, but only she can answer these questions. Maybe think about seeing a relationship counsellor together.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Feet | 2008/02/04

Not a girl... a boy. And yes, I do have ex gf's numbers on my phone. Why not? that is what EX implies... no longer together? Still friends, you can never just erase a person from your past. My BF excepts that and has introduced me to his ex.

Reply to Feet
Posted by: bobo | 2008/02/01

I dunno, but seems to me like your the one with the problems feet cuase surely you can see that you are "bitching" Im just so glad I don't have a gf like you cuase we all can tell that you have issues.

Reply to bobo
Posted by: Feet | 2008/02/01

So maybe you should stop the "bitching"

Reply to Feet
Posted by: bobo | 2008/02/01

Linda, jeff, feet... does this make it right to save an ex bf under a girls name, i dont think so! However i do trust her and beleive what that she told him to get lost. I do also think my gf needs to trust me to handle truths that might not be pleasant as i do trust her to make the right decisions but obviusly as everyone of you mentioned trust is crucial to a strong relationship so to end this really cant happen again cause then there will be absolutly no trust.

Reply to bobo
Posted by: Feet | 2008/02/01

You are probably obsessed and would have given her hell if she saved it under his real name. So, to avoid a fight, she saved it under a girl's name.

We woman do funny things to avoid your "bitching" and fighting.

Reply to Feet
Posted by: Jeff | 2008/01/31

How did you just stumble upon this??? was it oops sorry i slipped and went into your messages by accident?!

There are trust issues here and maybe you should give her more trust and faith that she would do the right thing and maybe she did tell him to get lost.

Reply to Jeff
Posted by: Linda | 2008/01/31

The only person that can tell you if your girlfriend is telling the truth is your gf.

If your gf says she told him to get lost you should trust her, surely after a year of being with her you can trust her. Maybe she did hide the number because she felt that she didnt want to ruin something that was going so well, have you maybe in the past made her feel like she cant come to you with truth and honesty because of your reactions.

Have you asked her if she is interested in this ex?

It seems trust is an issue in your relationship and that is a problem how can you have a relationship like that, has she done anything besides this to make you feel you cant trust her?

Reply to Linda
Posted by: Foxybrown | 2008/01/31

There is never an excuse for a woman to take down an ex-boyfriend’s number. What for?

As a guy who once dated a woman, you only get her digits again because you are still interested. As a woman who once dated a guy, you only get his digits again because you are still interested. What other justification is there?

And if it was innocent it should have been saved under his own name - why the cloak-and-dagger tactics? Well and good she told him to get lost but you have to ask yourself why the number exchanges happened in the first place.

Thrash this out via a counsellor as CS suggests or at least sit down and have a very frank discussion with her. U need to re-establish trust. One thing I know about relationships if that unless you totally forgive someone and regain trust in them, the relationship is always shifty from that moment on. U will feel panicky when you’re at a party and u can’t see where she is. U won’t be able to resist checking her texts repeatedly. U will wonder what her email inbox looks like. Mistrust is one of the primary forms of decay in a relationship.

As this is no way to live with someone, u really need to re-establish the trust via counselling or very frank talk - or consider calling it a day rather than live like two people spying on each other. If this is the only time you have doubted her affection there is still a good chance everything will work out. If you have other reasons to suspect she is not entirely true to you, the problem is a bit bigger.

Reply to Foxybrown
Posted by: bobo | 2008/01/31

SR, I agree however they only exchanged numbers on the saturday and I found out on tuesday the day before thay were in contact but my gf tells me she didn't tell me cause she wanted to avoid upsetting me and told him to get lost on monday. But hes is was not transparent and she could well be lying to me and maybe thay still are in contact

Reply to bobo
Posted by: SR | 2008/01/31

Saving a contact under another name is a sure sign that she is not being transparant with you. It means that there is ongoing contact between them and the anonymity of being able to communicate with that person under pretence that she is talking or smsg a girlfriend. Its a sure give away that more is happening under the surface.

Reply to SR

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