Posted by: Lilee | 2008/11/26

Is my boyfriend emotionally abusive?

Lately I' ve become worried that my boyfriend is emotionaly abusive. We' re both 26 and have been together 1.5 years.

Here are things he does:
-he is very " objective"  in that he doesn' t take my side necesarily when I tell him about a problem with someone or something. As a result I don' t feel he really supports me
-he often disagrees with me to the extent that when I express my opinion on a matter I expect him to contradict it
-he uses work or being too tired as an excuse not to do things with me
-he belittles my religious beliefs (we are the same religion, but I am more observant than him)
-he acts parental and condescending with regards to issues of money
-he criticizes me for the way I act in front of his family and friends

Having said this, I know he really does love me and wants to have a future with me, which is why I am so confused :(

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Our expert says:
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The first question is : do you feel abused ? What you describe sounds annoying rather than abusive
And how realistic do you thionk your expectations of a partner are ? For instance, I'd hope a good and loving partner would NOT automatically and unthinkingly support my every idea and suggestion --- sometimes I'm wrong or mistaken, and friendly but critical input can be invaluable. Not necessarily taking your side could be an excellent form of support, depending on the manner in which it is being done.
Do you always agree with his opinions ? Or do you feel free to disagree or contradict his views ? ISn't that fair to both of you ?
Is it possible that he genuinely does feel too tired to accept some of your suggestions ? Don't you sometimes feel too tired to accept some of his proposals ?
He may very fairly disagree with soem of your religious beliefs or practices in the sense of not wanting to follow them in that way himself ; but should never belittle them buy making you feel foolish for believing and practising your religion the way you do.
Is he parental about how you spend your own money, or about his own money gets spent ?
Does he criticize everything you do with regard to his familty or friends, or only some of what you do. COuld he be right about this any of the time ? Does he criticise you kindly and in private, or unpleasantly and in front of people ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: Anonymous | 2014/03/26

weman at all time they dont want man to disagree with them and some weman they drive there man to abuse them

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: Anonymous | 2014/03/25

You need to look at why you even asked this question. I was in a relationship that escalated into physical abuse over 10 years, but started with "the silent treatment" after I had a hair-cut he didn't like.....

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: Mandi | 2008/11/27

Relationships end because people have different opinions, backgrounds and values. It just seems to me as if you guys are having normal relationship issues.
He might be very opinionated which is a character trait - not abuse. He might also not -|- -foot around your feelings, which is something you might want to discuss with him, but it' s not abuse either. Have you discussed your concerns with him?

Reply to Mandi

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