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Question
Posted by: Anonymous | 2007/07/26

Is it too much to ask?

My husband has made it clear to me that he no longer wants our relationship to be a close one. This is after I confronted him about how unhappy I am. He says he is doing a lot for me and the kids, the normal day to day things like buying food fetching the kids and bieng home and not out with friends all the time. He says I should be happy because other people he knows suffer in marriages. We dont do anything an average couple does like kissing and hugging and having sex and calling or sms's each other. This has been going on for months now and I am very confused. Do you think I'm being unreasonable to ask for a little attention from my own husband?

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Our expert says:
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Maybe he is doing a lot, as he sees it, but, as you suggest, its in the Chores department, rather than the loving and caring division. Leaving aside for the moment your very understandable complaints, is HE happy in the mariage as it is, or could it be more satisfying for him, too ? COuld you possibly persuade him to join you in marriage counselling, emphasizing that this would be with the aim of benefitting both of you ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: Anoni | 2007/07/26

On the same boat too,
it is a frustrating situation,longing for that ' touch","kiss" everything.
and even worse when you try to improve things between you and other party is not interested.

Reply to Anoni
Posted by: Anonymous | 2007/07/26

Thanks for the quick reply.

M, he pushes me away every time I try to get close. I also had though about doing something special for him next week and I just could not go through with for fear that he will reject it or think I'm forcing issues.

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: M | 2007/07/26

I would say that your husband may be feeling stressed and unappreciated himself. You need to realise that your husband may be showing his love and appreciation for you by doing the house chores, kids ect. and he may not be very lovey dovey in the way you want him to be. By staying home and not being with friends may also be frustrating and he may be feeling as if he does not get time to relax and spend time alone and just do his own thing. By being a good father\provider he may be feeling that he is putting his own needs aside and not being selfish, when you ask him to be more affectionate he may get upset because he feels that he is doing his best and not being appreciated.
I would suggest doing something for him that will make him feel special and important, spoil him with something that hes been wanting but has been posponing to get because of other things, make him also feel important

Reply to M

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