Posted by: Jenisha | 2009/06/02

Is it right to react in this way?

Hi CS. I have a brother who is 14. Im 20. He is actually my half brother but blood couldn' t make us thicker than we are now. I have alot of time for him although he can be very rebellious at times but i ignore him coz its a phase we all went through. The problem is. He joins a group of boys we dont approve of mainly bcoz they are like the " bad boys"  &  my brother being the person he is, is too afraid of rejection so he does wrong things to fit in &  i did speak to him &  the way he spoke gave me a vibe like these guys are probably bulling him or making him look small. Just last week i gave him a talk about not talking his phone to school bcoz of the risk it will put him in at being killed or hurt over it &  im the only 1 who talks to him about life &  growing up. My step dad who is his dad gets drunk most of the time, my mum is very in her own world, they never gave me any talks on sex or life i had to figure it out myself &  they doing the same with him &  he even talks to me about his sexuality as in growing &  changes &  i dont have a problem explaining to him what he is not clear about. After talking to him about the phone, he ended up taking it to school &  a older guy took it from him. My parents found out &  i too was very disappointed in what he did but my parents dont know how to handle a child, well his a teen now coz everything is hit hit hit. In the car my step dad tells him to wait untill he gets home he' ll show him something &  then my brother said his sorry its just that it hard 4 him coz he needs to fit in &  i felt bad bcoz i wish i could help him but i mean his dad told him when u get home u go straight to my room &  i' ll show u what its like to fit in &  when we did get home he hit my brother &  i fail to see how they think as parents, i was very angry at how mt bro was threated like that &  i said to my mum what if he got so scared that he killed himself b4 we got home &  she' s like if he wants to them he must go &  she starts laughing &  saying good his getting beat. I dont know, i got so upset that i got into my car &  went to a friends house. Is that right to be that way as a parent?

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Our expert says:
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I generally don't deliver judgements about Right and Wrong, J. But the pair you describe sound like sadly inadequate parents. I wonder wheher the proposed changes to the law on child abuse cover the sort of hidings your brother seems to be receiving ? Maybe Childline can advise you usefully. Maybe child welfare could intervene ?

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