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Question
Posted by: Johan | 2004/11/10

Is it possible to be over attentive???

Happily married for almost five years with two sons aged 3 and 8. We led a quite isolated life not having much of a social life apart from each other.
Recently we both made moves up the corp ladder which made us sacrifice time with each other. My nature of being very attentive has escalated to the point where I want to cherrish every moment were are together. I have to share her obviously with the kids so all is fighting for a piece of the pie. I have started to become sensitive to comments which would not matter under norm circumstances and petty things become big issues.
Should I accept that this situation as normal and not try to "make things better" by going OTT and in her words start to smother her.
My wife was accomodating to this but is starting to point me in the direction of "enough now, accept and move on"
When you listen to the world our enviroment sounds quite normal and hanging on to the fairytale of "perfect relationship and work and kids does not affect us" will actualy bring you down.
I have no problem with the way she is to me (normal) but our situation has made act the way I am as I want to restore the balance to what it was. This I have realised is not going to happen and I have to stop being paranoid as our very strong relationship is starting to show strain.

Is this normal? how can I make this easier?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Hello Johan,
It's rarely worth going OTT, and yes, you can be too attentive, to the point of becoming annoying rather than enjoyable. Think about some personal counselling to help you get things btter into perspective, and maybe even some marriage counselling to clarify some issues together.

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2
Our users say:
Posted by: Kelly | 2004/11/10


You gave me wonderful advice ( I think it was you) to my posting. Its funny how people can give advice on other peoples issues but not their own.

Although you sounds more experienced than me, is its sounds that you are trying too hard and are so worried about losing your wife that your constant fear is causing trouble in your marriage. Like you said in mine, its petty. Why look for issues that arnt there? There paranoia? Why. You seem every womans dream with the advise you give. You probably have an excellent marrage but your constant worry will destroy that. You should start to relax and take time out. Things always turn out right for good people like yourself...

xxx

Reply to Kelly
Posted by: Shaun | 2004/11/10

Hi Johan,

First thing I wanna suggest is to read Kelly's posting above. Second is I wanna commend you on trying to "keep the home-fires burning'.

My opinion is yes, it is possible to be over attentive, sometimes to a stage where it may become smothering, or stifling. Maybe you wife is feeling the strain of "being pulled" in different directions. Would you not think that counselling would be a good option right now? As you could make your needs be known, & so could she, in a totally neutral environment. I would say this may also help you each better understand what you may be wanting at this stage of the relationship.

Take care man, good luck,
Shaun

Reply to Shaun

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