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Question
Posted by: hurting | 2004/10/26

is it possible

Is it possible to still be in love with your husband whom you are about to divorce, reasons for the divorce

1; emotional abuse (so terrible)
2 financial abuse
3 adultry

I just want to be free from him as he has hurt me so bad emotionally and I know deep down I cannot stay with him as my husband more that I have, he does not want to become a better person.

I was always sad, angry, lonely and at times so bitter at the whole situation, but since I have decided to call it quits I feel so much better and the headacres, dizzyness is slowly going away, and I am now becoming the happy, jolly person I know myself to be, I even relate so much better to my two kids.

But as I said I still love him. is it because I have been with him for 14yrs, and maybe is because I am used to him. I know, no doubts I am going out of this mariage I am not looking back.

Is it possble to still love someone yet you want out so bad ????? LOVE

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Dear hurting,.
Of course it's possible, because you're a very nice person. A dog who gets beaten may still lick the hand of the guy who beats it. Maybe part of this is love, maybe part of it is sheer habit ( maybe what Shaun is calling 'attachment". Change can be frightening to some extent, even when it's change for the better. Maybe see a counsellor to complete your liberation !
YOur fears ( and relief) are all entirely normal, and you;ll be able to free yourself from them before long. YOu are already so much stronger than you were, and will indeed get stronger and more free and confident as time goes by.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Shaun | 2004/10/26

Hi H,

Question: Do you not think that what you are feeling is just attachment & maybe even that you still care a great deal for him???

This is entirely possible, & sounds quite probable.
Just be sure you do not confuse love with attachment.
I am of the opinion that you can't love somebody that takes advantage of you, & abuses you, makes you feel less of a person.

Sorry, I'm no professional but thats my opinion.

Take care H, it takes a while, but there is still happiness & contentment yet.

Cheers,
Shaun

Reply to Shaun
Posted by: Snooks | 2004/10/26

Good luck! And that is true.....you are used to having him around!!

Reply to Snooks
Posted by: Kernel | 2004/10/26

You are right - you don't really love him - you are used to having him around.

Give it time - once you have new friends the feeling will go away and you will realise it is not love that you feel for him.

Reply to Kernel
Posted by: hurting | 2004/10/26

thank you K & Snooks

I really needed to be sure in some way or the other that this is normal, being scared to go out and try life on your own.

I am now stronger, and sure that I am not going back to him, promises, promises are never kept, and he wont change, as I told him everytime, everything is about him.

I pray everyday that I become stronger by the day and I now now and believe that I will pull through.

Oh how we suffer we wifes at teh hands of the so called husbands who are supposed to protect and love us. I say to those in my same situation be strong and move out if you cannot stay in.

Thanks again

Reply to hurting
Posted by: K | 2004/10/26

Hi

I had the same problem when I got divorced, kept going back etc. etc. Eventually I realised that I was only doing it because I was too scared to get out into the big world on my own.

Now 11 years later, I am in a good relationship, have my four boys from the ex with me as well as a long awaited daughter (even thought she is a laat-lammetjie and tires the hell out of me).

Take it a day at a time and 'use' your children to get through it!

Reply to K
Posted by: Snooks | 2004/10/26

Yes it is! And the best part it feels like I'm in the same situation!

Reply to Snooks

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