Posted by: CA | 2005/11/18

Is it physical of Psycological

Dear Doc,

Hope you can shed some light on this one, i'm a bit confused myself. My boyfriend and I have been together for about 8 months, our "love life" has been excellent from the first time it happened. Recently though my boyfriend had a kidney stone removed, which I have been told is very painful. They also inserted a stent which was removed 4 days after the operation. Ever since the operation he has been very distant, we don't cuddle like we used to and when I initiate love making he bluntly says no! When I asked him what the problem was he says that he feels embarrased by what happend during and after the operation and that metally he's not over it yet. Could this operation have had such a huge effect on him and if so, what can I do to help. Or is it maybe something else that i'm blind to?

Thank you

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Our expert says:
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Having had a kidney stone earlier this year ( mercifully not needing surgical removal or stent ) I can vouvh for it --- it is one of the most exquisitely painful experiences imaginable. And then some. Some of us do, surely, get quite surprisingly disturbed by such experiences, so this could applyy to him. It's hard to tell from a distance. So what i can say is YEs, it is very believable that this is causing the change in him, but not certain, and weither way, it suggests he could do with some counselling to help him to sort things out.

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Our users say:
Posted by: HI there | 2005/11/18

Sometimes, having something like an operation does have an effect on the relationship you share. I know of a very good friend of mine, a guy friend. He and his wife were very much in love, I was so inspired about the kind of love they have. However, about 2 years ago, my friend's wife had a baby by c-section. My friend was there when the baby was being delivered. He cried a lot and i and everyone else thought that he would be okay afterwards. Boy were we wrong, after she went home things just got bad. He stopped sleeping on the same bed with her, we thought it was just to give more space, but it wasn't. After the wound healed, he never moved back. if they did have sex it was once or twice a month. I know all this because his wife approached me about what is happening in there relationship.My friend never once cheated on his wife, but after the baby was born, he has been cheating on his wife so many times it has even got to a point were I feels I should tell his wife.

somethings just happen, but maybe what you should do is ask him why he is behaving like this, if he doesn't give you a chance to ask him, write him a letter, i always find it helps to do this, even if he can't hear you, he can atleast read what you have to ask.

All the best.............

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