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Question
Posted by: angela | 2011/06/19

Is it over?????

Me and my bf were dating long distancly for 2 years. Before me i knew he had another long distance lover, well, a lot of them. But the one preceeding me was for a long time and he seemed to love her, but somehow they broke up without seeing each other in real life....We have been so happy through this 2 years together, even though we lived on the other edge of the world, we could manage to meet in real life and everything was just wonderful. But recently he tld me that his ex again appeared and said he doesnt care abt her anymore..i had always felt that he really loved me but still remembered the other chick sometimes with anger...sometimes..i dont know why.well, not underestimating anyone,i still have to say that the girl looked really bad and messy,looking like a man or smth, and sometimes i get disapointed in my bf for loving someone like that, ut i still loved him very much.Some days ago i found out that his MSN password beings with her name... that''s stupid but it made me freak out, i know i shouldnt have told him abt it, but i was so angry that i did.What he said is that its just a code,nothing else, and that it doesnt mean anything to him.He also said that i should be ashamed of my behaviour that i dont give him privacy. Now i feel he is not as warm as before, we hardly talk, and whatever nice things he says seem so false....he started keeping secrets and doesnt answer my questions about where he was and what was he doing....i dont know what to do..dont know to stay or leave him...maybe he still talks to that girl..who knows, though she has a bf...she still appeared...im so confused...ive done so much just to be able to keep our relationship, as everybody was against it as he is asian and i am europian, i had to go against my parents, my friends...everybody...he has done a lot for me too, but now its like i dont even recognise him...what to do???? help plz!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

So he's been forming multiple simultaneous long-distance friendships ? Serious ones or trivial "Facebook friends" ? Its not reasonable to feel angry about him having had other friendships BEFORE he knew you, though others while in what you were led to believe was an exclusive and close relationship, even if mostly over a distance, is not reasonable on his part.
But long-distance relationships are always really difficult. You need, when together, to clarify so much about what you exach believe about the relationship, what you want and expect.


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3
Our users say:
Posted by: Lee | 2011/06/21

I''m sorry to say but I think it was over before it begun. Move on, dear. He is a cyber-player at best and a leech at worst. Mend your broken heart but be the one who ended it so your dignity is still intact. I''m sorry.

Reply to Lee
Posted by: angela | 2011/06/19

thank you shrink.but still dont know what to do :( He was writing incredibly romantic lov letters so some girls via email, but the last one especilly.i dont care about BEFORE, but i hate when he sill remembers her....like a fatal woman or what....thanks anyway.

Reply to angela
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/06/19

So he's been forming multiple simultaneous long-distance friendships ? Serious ones or trivial "Facebook friends" ? Its not reasonable to feel angry about him having had other friendships BEFORE he knew you, though others while in what you were led to believe was an exclusive and close relationship, even if mostly over a distance, is not reasonable on his part.
But long-distance relationships are always really difficult. You need, when together, to clarify so much about what you exach believe about the relationship, what you want and expect.


Reply to cybershrink

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