Our expert says:
So sorry to hear of your sad loss. Even if she is in a better place now, that's not an automatic comfort for you ; but people who really want to find a way to comfort you do tend to repeat those sort of cliches. Often one is to some extent psychologically numb early on after such a loss, and the depth of one's feelings does tend to emerge after a while. And I recognize that feeling of wanting to hold her. I remember one woman I worked with who after losing an infant, knowing her baby's weight, chose objects like begetables of around the same weight, and wrapped them in a blanket for her to carry in the house for some days, just to feel a sense of real presence of the child she had lost after suich a brief acquaintance.
It is TOTALLY natural for you to want to cry and to go ahead and cry --- crying, within reason, is good for us, and releases some of the bad feelings. Its a bad idea to force yourself not to cry for fear of upsetting other people. They must accept it as natural and healthy and allow you to do so. Even realyl caring people can be clumsy when faced with challenges like this
With her having been so sick, this was naturally tiresome, so don't feel guilty if you got exasperated with her at times --- only a caring person can feel exasperated when your ability to care doesn't seem to be enough.
And stop being so considerate of other people, when it's them who ought to consider you. Those who urge you, directly or indirectly, to be stoic and calm and bottle up your emotions are not thinking of you, but of themselves, as they might feel embarrassed or uncomfortable when confronted with real raw and genuine emotions. Tough ! Expressing the emotions for a time would be better for you, and its your needs that are most important right now.
And it sounds like your counsellor is being rather dof, in concentrating on work-related problems and apparently neglecting the most vital current issue, your grief. If he or she really cant handle this properly, maybe you need a different counsellor.
As Maria says, do contact the COmpassionate Friends. I knew the hospital chaplain in the UK who founded the group, and have helped with some of their meetings locally --- it can be a great comfort.
The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal
advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.