Posted by: Kelly | 2007/12/10

Is it normal to be alone

hi guys
please can someone help me
i am having troubles with people around me They have a problem with me being alone i broke up with my boyfriend about 2 and half years back and i didnt see anyone after now people are saying i am not over him but i am trying to explain to them that i will wait for the right men but they tell me there will never be a right men and i am wasting my time sitting at home Tell me all the single ladies out there DO u think there will be one someday i am scared to get old alone but i dont just want to take anyone just not to be alone
The few guys that i was looking at didnt show any intrest at me at all and its kind off sad what shall i do

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Our expert says:
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What really matters is what YOU want to do with your life, rather than what other people want for you, espcially if they are interfering in an unwelcome and unneeded way. See a good local counsellor to wort out what you want and how to achieve that.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Kelly | 2007/12/11

hi foxybrown
That was well said thank u so much for replying we relate to a lot off things like the one off your child thats what they also said to me seeing that my child six years old never saw a father fig any ways i will live my life the way i want and not what people want thank u very much for all the inspiring words You go girl We were born alone not holding anyones hand Good luck to you too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Reply to Kelly
Posted by: Foxybrown | 2007/12/10

I very much identify with how you feel. I think I have even heard the pot plants on my stoep ask me when I am ever going to get my act together and find a man.

I am oftentimes the topic of discussion at family dinner tables both when I am there and when I am not. At times I dismiss it coolly, join in the jokes even - such as its likely one of the boy toddlers in the family will give me away. But sometimes I get annoyed because societal dictates are something I have never liked. When ppl expect u to be in a relationship for whatever reason, they are expecting you to behave as society demands. Societal dictates give me a rash.

You say you have been single two years – I have been single going on six years. Trust me; the pressure to conform does not get any better with time. Add to that my age - 33 - and I can assure u my family, friends and colleagues look at me and wring their hands in despair. The final straw for them is that I have a daughter – and obviously by not settling down I am intentionally denying her a nuclear family.

Add up all that pressure and it’s no wonder that on a balmy Saturday evening, instead of slipping into that flirty dress and those take-me-now stilettos, I want nothing more than an inspiring piece of literature to read, a steaming mug of eve’s ginger honey tea and some beautiful music in the background.

I think my dear u shd keep letting those ‘concerned’ individuals around you know that there is absolutely nothing wrong with you and that no, you are not still pining for your ex. You are a beautiful independent woman and just as carefully as you would choose yr next job or your next house, you will choose yr next guy with precision, with far more precision actually.

You would like to get it right next time you do it so you are perfectly happy hanging out with friends and just socializing in the meantime. You are not so ruled by your loins that you indulge in meaningless encounters. You do not believe in subscribing to desperation neither do you doubt yourself because you are single. Repeat this both to the naysayers and to yourself.

My point is, you were not born holding any man’s hand and yet you were a complete being. Hence how can you now be incomplete because you are single?

And the thing with wonderful partners is that when you meet them, the years you were single seem like a beautiful waiting period that was all worth it. Life is too short to saddle yourself with punks, fools and tyrants. Your own company is much better until a deserving option comes alone.

What I like about singlehood is that like relationships, it can end at any moment. No one shd ever assume permanence, not in relationships and not in singlehood. Life is unpredictable like that and yr singlehood will be turned on its head just like that when you meet the right person. Which could be at any given moment.

Reply to Foxybrown
Posted by: Maria | 2007/12/10

How old are you?

Reply to Maria
Posted by: Nikkie | 2007/12/10

But this is my own famalie that says all this things to me and it hurts me my sister thinks i am jelouse off her relationship and my brother thinks i will never get married cause nothing is good for me i am not sitting at home i go out and injoy myself but i cant seem to find someone

Reply to Nikkie
Posted by: ??? | 2007/12/10

hey take your time go out with friends meet people dont have sex just mingle and sure enough you will find the right guy.

Reply to ???
Posted by: Maria | 2007/12/10

Don't just "sit at home", live your life. Get hobbies, become a volunteer, learn a new skill. Romantic relationships are important, but you cannot, and don't have to, define yourself by the fact that you do or do not have a bf. While you are out there doing things you enjoy, you may meet a like-minded man who wants to be friends with you. And perhaps the friendship will develop into something more, who knows? Just ignore the people who say you are wasting your life if you don't have a boyfriend.

Reply to Maria

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