Posted by: Beyond Tired | 2004/11/01

Is it ever going to end

Hi again,
Bf just let me know he got fired this morning, or at least got his letter of notice. This man worked 12 hours a day, had to be security in the evenings as well, until the manager left. He worked his backside off and they never paid him overtime. He worked most weekends and they paid him the minimum wage for the Sunday.
I feel so sad for him but scared for myself, I have been iin this position before, I cannot look after someone else again, as it is my finances are dismal and he was helping me a lot, he is also my other border in the house, now both don't have jobs. I am so tired of this. I feel jinxed or something.......
What do I do?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Gosh, if this wasn't a drought, I'd dredge up that old line about "it never rains but it pours". Ech, too many misfortunes in too short a space of time. Sounds like this bf needs to talk with the CCMA / Dept of Labour andn check whether his firing / redundancy was fair and proper, especially after all he did for them. At least that lousy excuse for a manager will find it very hard to replace him with someone as able AND long-suffering. Surely you need to discuss this new situation with him, and see what you can work out together. And maybe it's time for Boarder 1 to move on, to someone else, some other friend or family member ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: Chelle | 2004/11/01

Sorry to hear about this latest bit of stressful news. As much as jobs are not easy to find, there are still jobs out there. Seems like he is prepared to work hard, so perhaps he'll find a job quickly enough. Don't assume that he will be unemployed. Don't send yourself spinning into despair because of this event. You have enough on your plate.
I suggest you give him support and encouragement about his ability to find another job and help him get out there and look. Often being retrenched becomes such a blow to a person's self esteem that they begin to feel worthless and retreat and end up not being able to find another job. Some encouragement and ego lifting talk will hopefully help to avoid that situation.
Bottom line is that you are not responsible for feeding and housing the nation!!!!!!!!!!!
You are responsible for yourself and your child firstly, and if the borders continue to drain you, you have to stand your ground and ask them to move out.
You are having difficulty looking after yourself right now, and you're in a binding situation which causes you more stress.
You should only be with people who add to your life, not with people who take away from you - and I am not talking financially here - emotionally and mentally.
You can't afford borders, the one guy doesn't help you in any way - just as you said no on Friday, it's time to say no today.
Write the border a letter, reminding him of the difficulty your are facing, and tell him you are no longer able to have him there. Given him notice to leave within a month or so. Then stick to it.
BT- I am sure things are going to end up fine. You have great perseverance and have been through many difficult times - just keep focussed on doing those things that can make an immediate difference to your life. One thing at a time.

Reply to Chelle
Posted by: Shaun | 2004/11/01

Hi BT,

You seem to be having a really rough Monday, & in all this I feel for you. Damn, when is it gonna be our turn for that darn lotto millions!!!

Anyway, I read you previous posting on saying "no" & was really glad for you finding the courage to do so, but as you know, the tricky part is sticking by that.

Your concerns are normal, & you have a right to them. But don't despair, you've gotten thru issues way bigger that this. Just try not let everything get to you at once, as hard as that might be.

I would suggest that, seeing from your postings, you do seem to care for this new guy, & he also seems to be a reasonable person as well, that you postpone this issue to discussing it with him tonite when you get home. Maybe resolve to, at this moment, try to be there for him as he was for you, but try without any bad intentions, let him know that with all these things there are responsilities to consider & that you will be hoping that he can fulfil his side of them coz you cannot have responsility of taking care of him.

I also feel you maybe need to have a similar discussion with your other current border. Be strong BT, stand you ground, be assertive. I know it's easier said than done, but I'm sure you are the only person that would know how to do it, & I'm sure you will realise that it needs to be done.

You have a lot to deal with for Monday morning, but remember, you decide these outcomes dependant on how you choose to deal with them. Just take them for what they are; the trials of life that are there to make you a stronger person in yourself & for those that truly depend on you.

I said once before; "To the world you might just be one mere person, but to one person, you are the world."

Take care BT, & remember BT, rant & rave as much as you need, let it all out, then let go of it, & take charge. Don't let it take charge of you.

Cheers girl, hang in there.

Reply to Shaun

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