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Question
Posted by: KD | 2008/06/28

Is it a fantasy or infidelity

I am engaged. We both have been married before, I discovered 2 years ago that there's a woman living in the UK that he loved when they were still in high school. She is married now. He is continously in contact with the woman, and everytime tells her he loves her and will always do. He says she is his soulmate. I have asked him about her, everytime he tells me he has stopped their relationship. Each time we have a fight, he always finds a way to communicate. When I ask he tells me that each time I do something wrong her mirage shines brighter.

On the other hand he says, she is just a fantansy that will never be, and that he loves me.

I somehow feel like I am in his life to fill a void. I have even developed bad habits of going through his phone and emails, just to find out if there's more contact or other women? I hate being in this state. It is eating me away.

I would have walked away if I did not love him, and there's wasnt much at stake.

Any advice?

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Our expert says:
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I think the entire concept of "soulmate" causes much misery and remarkably little happiness. And how can a man who is inconstant contact with ans swearing eternal love for another, get engaged to you ? SHe is of course a sick fantasy, always perfect because he apparently hasn't actually lived with her ever, and may not have even seen her for ages. She hasn't even had the chance to burp in his presence. And so long as he indulges in that fantasy, he will limit his capacity to love you or anyone else. And what entire fantasy has an active e-mail address ?
There are probably not any OTHER women, as he continues to be obsessed with this one. Relationship / marriage counselling ?

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