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Question
Posted by: Rea | 2004/11/05

Is hubby jealous?

I have a small problem, I started to gim about 6 weeks ago, I have depression and take tablets and my shrink suggested that I try to get out more. Now 6 weeks down the line with my body improving amazingly, I am 26, my hubby suddenly have a problem with me going to the gim, because he can't simply be without me for an hour 3 times a week. We have endless arguments about this, he says that I can exercise just as well at home as in a gim. He complains a lot that we do not spend enough time together, I even feel guilty to go and do shopping, just incase he miss me so much. I have few friends which I barely see because of him. I do not see my family often too, because he and my mom doesn't get along to great. We always goes to his family, they live in the same town as we do, so does my mom. Last night I decided not to go to gim and spend some time with him, and then his brother phoned and he invited him over for a braai, and he only left hours later after I have already went to bed. I do not know how to handle him anymore, we are these days constantly fighting. Whenever I lose my cool, he would ask me if I have taken my pill, and that hurts, because although I have depression, I am alive and I can defend myself in arguments, but he thinks I am not thinking clearly. I take special care of myself, get a facial every month and go for my nails and treat my hair, and look after my body, but he just do not seem to care about his looks, all he cares about is his brandy and coke, his sigarettes, his rugby and his mom, dad and brothers. Please help!! I am going on vacation next week for 3 weeks to the sea, and I am going to spend 12 days of it with the in-laws and I need some cope suggestions, because they drive me nuts!!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

You know, Rea, I have seen variations on this theme before. Where someone has a fairly chronic illness like Depression, a marriage can come to be organized around She's Depressed, He's OK set of rules, and the husband can become bothered in ways he can't identify or explain, when the depression improves and he has a more independent and capable wife back. It's not that he wants her to be depressed, but that he's grown used to it, and finds it hard to cope with the improvement.
Similarly, he may love his wife, even if she's a bit overweight, and feel no need to be jealous, assuming that with the overweight and depression, she's Safe from the attentions of others. Now she's not depressed, more energetic, looking great and greater --- and going to gym with other beautiful people, and he starts to feel insecure. Maybe think of marriage counselling now, to set things right. He can see it as finishing the dealing with your problems, and his problems with you, but along the way, of course, i'll deal with your problems with him, including his self-neglect and insecurity.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Inc | 2004/11/05

Seems that your hubby is power-playing... what he says goes and you shouldn't have an opinion... let alone a life!
Keep doing what you are doing.. improve your quality of life... it can only help cure your depression. Marriage is a partnership... but your husband is dictating to you... maybe he is insecure about himself... so he's trying to make you feel bad.
Go and buy yourself a vibrator... so if he's not in the mood, then you can still satisfy yourself... and let him know that you have one... and if he has a problem with it, tell him that you are human and you have needs... at least you won't be cheating!

Reply to Inc
Posted by: Rea | 2004/11/05

I have tried to confince him to join me, but he is not interested, we have a non-existent sexlife, we have sex once a week, whenever I try to iniciate it, he is not in the mood, only when he would like to make love, then it is okay.

Reply to Rea
Posted by: D nice | 2004/11/05

Well i think your husband is a bit jealous of the way you are taking care of yourself, i mean you go to the gym,you take pride in your appearance and health, i think you need to incourage him to come with you so that you two can exercise together.Jasmine is right trying to say you are not rational because you are on medication is uncalled for.

Reply to D nice
Posted by: Leonie | 2004/11/05

I really think he is, y dont u take him to the Gym with u, doing things together can be very helpful most of the times.

Reply to Leonie
Posted by: Leonie | 2004/11/05

I really think he is, y dont u take him to the Gym with u, doing things together can be very helpful most of the times.

Reply to Leonie
Posted by: Jasmine | 2004/11/05

Yes, your hubby is not displaying signs of consideration or care. I think he is being selfish and unreasonable. All needs to be fair and you have every right to see your family too. This all sounds one sided to me. The questioning from his side regarding your medication is also uncalled for. First step is to sit him down and tell him exactly how you feel and hopefully work out some kind of fair compromise.
Good luck and well done on the getting in shape routine!

Reply to Jasmine

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