Posted by: Please help me | 2007/04/02


Hi there
Please could I ask for assistance. My husband and I have been married for almost 20yrs. I still love him very much and I know he loves me. Problem is that for the past 6 months or so he has been behaving out of character. We spend more time not talking than anything else. He has always been a bit domineering but I dont really mind as this is minor compared to all his good points and I have always managed to work around this. The past few months however have been driving me mad! He will pick an argument eg. on Saturday after a lovely day out, we were sitting on the couch together watching some TV. He wanted me to do something for him and we started joking with each other, he wanted me to get up off the couch and stand next to him while he remained seated and then tell me what he wanted me to do. I of course replied that I dont listen with my rear end but with my ears and could hear him perfectly well whilst seated. This type of banter continued for a while and then i proceeded to sit on the other couch by my daughter when he jokingly pushed me off the couch. This upset him and he said "thats fine you want to play "hardass" you dont know how spiteful I can be. and then he proceeded to stop talking to me altogether. He got up and put in some bath water for himself and made himself something to eat. Later on I went to him in the room and asked him what his problem was as I couldnt believe that he would be angry with me over something as trivial as this, he told me to leave him alone as he was reading and wasnt interested in talking and said sarcastically that "maybe he was on his period". On Sunday he went and played golf and didnt come home for lunch but went and ate at his friend's mother's house. this really got to me as Sunday's are the only time we really get to sit down together with our daughters for a meal (our eldest daughter is away at varsity in the week). He now wont talk to me unless I go to him to try and make up and apologise (but I did nothing wrong). Is this a power play and why now? Is he going through his midlife crisis, he has become very health conscious and has also started running to become fitter. He will be 40 in a few days time.

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Our expert says:
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Good morning

His behaviour is strange and you must be confused. Turning 40 is not the end of the world and is not a reason to be nasty, spiteful and selfish. He is playing a game called "Poor little me", or "See if I get your attention with this"!

He needs to realise that a relationship is a communion between two people, and he is not playing a significant part in your family community at all.

Try speaking to him and telling him how his behaviour makes you feel. You may well love him, but it seems that you don't like his beviour at present.

Mike Lacey-Smith
Life Coach for Men

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Bee | 2007/05/11

Can't help to agree with Nick. Do the test on this site called "Is your partner cheating on you?" and you could come up with vital answers. If he's never behaved this way before but suddenly now as you had put it; then he's seriously feeling guilty about something.

My ex started behaving like that and when I investigated, I found him to be cheating on me several times.

Reply to Bee
Posted by: Sparticus | 2007/04/24

Please ignore the rantings of Jb. He's got issues with being called a "hubby" and perhaps he'll get help. I still believe your man is full of himself.

Reply to Sparticus
Posted by: Nick | 2007/04/23

I don't want to rock the boat even more, but is he not perhaps having an affair? running, eating better (i.e. taking sudden interest in how he looks).. picking silly fights (because he feels guilty and wants to justify why he's screwing around) etc.etc. Just keep an eye is what I say ;)

Reply to Nick
Posted by: jb | 2007/04/19

Who the hell want's to be called a hubby.
If someone told me I am their hubby I would sent them packing.
No respect No relationship
Maybe you think you are cool and one of the in-crowd people but let me tell you "slang" words are awfull and I think you think that everything should revolve around you.
If he doesn't want to talk leave him be, he'll talk when he is ready

Reply to jb
Posted by: Sparticus | 2007/04/02

I say that you should stand your ground. I also behave badly at times but that doesnt mean that I win all the battles.
The reason for the fight will eventually become so trivial when he comes to his senses.
He's forgotten his place in the family and if you keep your position , then he'll know where he left off.
I'm sure that my temprement is red hot but I aslo acknowledge that my wife is always right.
For his own sake, dont doubt yourself.

Reply to Sparticus
Posted by: fae | 2007/04/02

Wow, are you sure he's turning 40 and not 14? He sure sounds like a child.

Reply to fae

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