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Posted by: Tobs | 2007/06/11

Is history repeating itself?

I'm a 26 yr old woman who has came from nowhere in life but worked hard to be where she is now. My problem is that I'm a very loving person - I don't know how to hold back.

Let me put it this way, everytime I'm in a relationship 3 months will be a honeymoon stage then afterwards a guy will show his true colours.

My last boyfriend cheated on me while I was in a business trip and came back a day earlier. I didn't see it coming because I use to do everything for him (I mean everything) including paying his and his child's school fees, giving him pocket money, booze money and never asked him how much is he earning.

The one before that did the same thing - how can I be so unhappy while I do everything right?

One of my friends told me that its because I'm too sweet and very giving - that's why guys take advantage of me and hurt me in the end.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Being very loving is not in itself a problem at all --- how you behave and whaty you choose to do about feeling very loving, is the real question. Some personal counselling might help you to understand yourself better and to devise better ways of dealing with what life faces you with. Being sweet doesn't compel every man ( or indeed woman ) to take advantage of you --- you need to focus with yoru counsellor more on how to select who you allow close enough, and how to recognize very early on when you are being taken advantage of, and how to stop that happening

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Tobs | 2007/06/12

Hi there,

I've passed a stage where I was mourning the relationship. I'm now in the acceptance stage - whereby I tell myself that if something was not supposed to be yours - it will be lost.

I've made peace with myself and occupied the space that i normally was spending with him. The mistake I might have done in the past was not giving myself time to heal for the relationship I had before the one that just crashed - I guess i was just scared of being alone. I just realised that it's actually the best thing I could have done for myself.

Reply to Tobs
Posted by: Temba | 2007/06/11

Yes, Tobs.

I know what you're going through.sometimes you ask yourself whats wrong with you when in fact there's nothing wrong at all.And many a time you say to yourself that maybe you were not good enough for him.I know how you feel and i've gone through what you're going through.

Life can be like that at times, just when you are feeling confident then along comes the unexpected.

I feel much better writing this post to you because i'm also going through the same pain and sorrow that you are going through.Things are not the way i want them to be in my relationship.And i'm praying about it.

When we pray, sister things cannot be the same.He hears us from Heaven in His dwelling place and give us victory and take care our fragile hearts.

Reply to Temba
Posted by: Tobs | 2007/06/11

Tx guys for all the comforting words. Like Temba said I'm just praying for God's intervention.

I just focus my energies into going to the gym and reading a lot.

His mother just called now and I had a good conversation with her - she is a wonderful person even though she has a heart condition. I explained to her that things didn't work out between me and his son but that does not mean that she must not call me since it's not her fault.

Reply to Tobs
Posted by: Blondie.. | 2007/06/11

Hi Tobs,

your friend is right - in a way..

Don't give too much of yourself in the beginning of a relationship, I know it sounds weird, but it's very important.

Men like a challenge and they easily get bored with a loving sweet lady that gives him everything and anything he wants.

Make sure that the guy is giving you what you need (stability, honesty etc) before you decide if he's worthy to be treated like royalty. If you meet the right man, he'll be totally bowled over after the first months together to find out what a caring giving person you are.

Good luck..

Reply to Blondie..
Posted by: Temba | 2007/06/11

Tobs, sister.I feel your pain.maybe you have been unlucky to date the wrong type of guys.I have been going thorugh the same thing as well.I'm a good person inside out and go out of my way to please my girl.But still it never works out in the end.I sometimes suspect that maybe my crime is caring too much about them.

I cannot tell you to wait until Mr Right comes along.I believe in God.Pray about it and ask for HIS intervention.You can't spend your whole life meeting jerks when there's good guys out there looking for sweet girlies like you.

Keep your head up.

Reply to Temba

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