Posted by: Spark | 2009/04/20

Is he the right one for me

Hi, many many months ago I told you about my boyfriend. he has been married 5 times, has two children. He was raped when he was a teenager by his mothers no ex-husband. He is at times silent and at times he is insulting and thinks it is funny. i broke up with him in August last year. I sent him a Christmas e-mail in december last year and we have been together ever since. we got engaged one month ago. he lives 800 km from me. He is here now for 3 weeks. he will be going back home and won' t know at this stage when he will be coming back up. His company is going to tranfer him up here don' t know when.
I have been on my own for 15 years (i am 42), I have been a single mother to my daughter since the moment she was conceived, she is now 10.

I am in the middel, I love my daughter and I love him (even if he is mentally not lekker due to past experience). We all get on well, there are just moments when my daughter is doing everything wrong in his eyes, and he is doing everything wrong in my eyes. I hate it when he tells me my daughter is being rude towards me and I do nothing. I know he is right, but I have a good relationship with my daughter and I do agree she is cheecky and strong willed, but I have to protect her.

i am having doubts this morning about the relationship with me and my fiance. Not just for me but for my daughter. yes she does alwasy get her way. And I think he will bring some disaplin into the relationships.

I don' t now anymore what to do. Any advice. please?

We haven' t set on a wedding date as yet. but when he transfers here he will move in with us permanently.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

This is a relationship with so many challenges --- long-distance relationships are much harder than ordinary ones, and a guy who has been married 5 times before is not likely to be a perfect long-term partner. If he has, as it seems, continuing problems relating to his past experience, he should see a shrink / counselor for himself, and maybe you could do with some direct counselling on how you yourself can provide better and more effective discipline for your child --- don't leave it to him. Don't rush to a wedding until the repairs are complete !

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