Posted by: Lori | 2007/12/13

Is he taking advantage of me?

I have been married for four and a half years now. I feel so depressed, and feel this marriage isn't worth it anymore. My husband says he loves me, but never shows it. He never comforts me, holds me or shows any affection. He does do it when others are around sometimes. He never says anything nice to me. We are from different countries. We have a family from his country staying with us. My husband is so attentive to this family and their kids. He won't even carry our daughter, but he will upset the little boy, who is the same age as our girl. I am not allowed to buy anything for my daughter, unless I buy the same for this child. I am straying from my concern. I sleep on my own bed. My husband initially insisted that my daughter is too young to sleep on her own. So I got her a single bed & put it in our room. She doesn't want to sleep on it, so I moved. He now says that I insisted on having her in the room. He never sits up with me, once she has gone to bed. I sit by myself every evening & read a book, or watch tv. He hates going out to dinner. When we do go out, he is difficult & will say he is not hungy & will order toast.

The other day, he took the woman and her baby to the doctor. I went along, with my daughter & the boy. He took the woman in to see the doctor, helped fill in the card & even paid for it. He has never done this, when I have taken my child. I sort out the card & payment. When the baby cries, he wakes me up & tells me to go check the baby.

What i s wrong with me?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Cultural differences can of course be notable, but you seem to be saying that as the husband from this other couple, who apparently share his culture, behaves in the way you have been hoping for, so it's not your husband's culture that is causing the difference. But then, especially when it comes to emotional expressiveness, there's quite wide individual variation. And aspects of what you say about the way he treats this other lady are puzzling. COuld you possibly persuade him to join you in marriage counselling ? Maybe he'd find the idea more acceptable if he saw it as about the problems he may think he has with you ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: Nkoko | 2007/12/13

Excuse me Nkalakatha, how do you know Lori married a Makwerekwere? She doesn't mention anything about where her husband comes from.
Lori, do you talk to your husband about how you feel? Maybe the othe family should move out so he can focus on you and your child. When you say you have a family leaving with you, is the a man in that family or is it only the woman and her son?
That's a tough situation, we woman like to be appreciated and taken care of. Affection and intimacy is very important to us. I sometimes think men don't feel the same way as we do. We just need to keep working on it.
CS is right, see if you can be able to persuade him to join you and marriage counseling.
Good Luck!

Reply to Nkoko
Posted by: nkalakatha | 2007/12/13

what do you expect from Makwerekwere? The only thing he needed from you is sex and an identity document! Woman - you have been taken for a ride - WAKE UP

Reply to nkalakatha

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