Posted by: unknown | 2007/04/23

is he really being honest?

my b\friend and i started out casually not planning to go serious but learning bout each other, but this year i told him i want to settle down and build a future with him andif he does not want that he can leave because my life has to go forward.
we took a breather for a while and he came back said he wanted to but had to sort out his baby momma drama and i gave him time now my problem is whatever she does he tells me she came over today and he walked away from her she dropped off her childs things or came to fetch a bag or shoe although we packed her stuff in a box and kept it by the pantry. my problem is why he tells me everything she does and somehow it makes me less trusting of him on saturday we had a fight about her and his mother also got angry about the fact that he is not putting his foot down concerning her and i asked him repeatedly if they are still going out and he said no in front of his mother and i that it is over. the next day he went on and on about how much he loved me wanted to do right by me and that he wants to make things right but i cant bring myself to believe cause it seems like she has something or hold over himand i almost walked out on him on saturday and his mom stood by my decision.
is he really being honest about his break up with her and telling me he loves me, yes i should trust him but hell its hard when she keeps popping up from nowhere and he self confesses without my asking or noticing anything.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Maybe you're describing it badly, but what you say you said sounds selfish and uncaring, and enough to put off most blokes. But he's also not clear about his intentions. Maybe I'm oldfashioned, but I think that when a man chooses ( it's always a choice ) to have a baby with another woman, he has a continuing duty at least to the child, and you can't expect him to wholly concentrate on you. Of course she has a hold over him, and always will --- they have a child together

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Our users say:
Posted by: unknown | 2007/04/24

well i sat him down last night and told him that the issue between the two has to be sorted out and when he is done with that he can come to me i have put off the sexual and any girlfriend activities until he is certain about where he stands or with whom does he want to be with. he is not really happy bout it and he keeps on insisting that its over and wants to marry me this year and he suspects i am preggies. basically we have just taken some fed up leave for a month to get my head sorted.

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Posted by: G2G | 2007/04/24

I understand your story. Just be true to yourself once before u get into more trouble. The guy is still confused and like Doc says he has a child with another lady. Let him sort out his life first but you need to be patient. Don't push him coz u might loose him. As I understand he has unfinished bussiness in a way but if it carries on like this u'll never be able to trust him.

To sum it up, he is not yet honest to you. He wants to leave in both worlds if I may say. We can all advise you but u must follow your heart and remember your happiness comes first.

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Posted by: unknown | 2007/04/23

the baby is rarely here in joburg and when she is i give him space but what does she want at his place calling at nine in the evening with his mom visiting and saying she has no transport to go home. im not being selfish because it does not make it ok for a woman who has a child with a man think she has a hold over him or will always be a priority, mine is on the way i just have not told him because im not sure about us. he nade me focus on him and only him thus now that i am i must back off. i just wanted to know is he being honest bout his intentions he is one of those guys who cant say leave or go away he just always avoids things and avoiding her will not make her let go and move back to free state

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