Posted by: Mara | 2009/03/30

Is he or isnt he

If you date a guy for years and he hasnt proposed yet, does it mean he is not that into you or what? I never push him into marrying me coz i feel he needs to do it when he feels like it. But could this be a sign that he actually never plans on getting married or maybe he just doesnt want to get married to me? I really feel uncomfortable talking to him about this. Isnt there another way i can know?

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Our expert says:
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Not my field of expertise, but I'm sure other readers can comment helpfully. If he already has everything he wants from a relationship, why exactly would he sudenly want to get married ? Anyhow, talk with him in a calm, non-threatening waym, and at least have the issue on the agenda and improve your mutual levels of understanding

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Our users say:
Posted by: Really | 2009/03/30

Some times you have to assess what is important to you!!! Do you want to get married and does he also want the same??? Maybe he is not that into the marriage thing or maybe not that into marrying YOU!

I agree with Soul, ask him, that' s the only way you will know and know what to do next.... But hey, don' t have expectations, and maybe he might not even tell you the truth!!!

All the best

Reply to Really
Posted by: Mara | 2009/03/30

Bob' s girlfriend: you are right, thats one of my main reasons i dont make an issue out of him not proposing to me. He probably has his reasons and he works with divorces, so maybe he sees what happens to married couples. I must admit, i would also be happy and unmarried rather than married to someone i dont or will never love as much as i love him. The only scary part is....what if he leaves me when i' m older? There will never be secure feeling then. On the other hand....people get divorced so easily, it doesnt really make a difference, if they want to leave they will, married or not married.

Soul: you are also right, i need to talk to him about this, but i will make sure its in a subtle manner.....just so i can confirm what his true feelings are. Maybe i just assumed he doesnt want to get married, maybe he is thinking im the one not wanting to get married...just to clear things i will have a casual chat with him about this topic. Thanks guys!

Reply to Mara
Posted by: Soul | 2009/03/30

Mara, the only one that can answer that question is him, you' ll need to talk to him about it. He may have reasons why he hasn' t proposed yet or he may just not be ready for it just yet but the only way you going to know is by talking to him.

There is no easy answer there is no short cut. There will be alot of folks that will say things some you want to hear and some you don' t. We want to hear what we want to hear but that' s not going to give you the answers that can only come from him.

It' s sad how uncertanty can cause so much fear in us of the unknown and how spaeaking to the right person can answer your questions and put your mind as ease but taking that step to ask is scarey cuse we don' t want to cause problems where there aren' t any and change what could possibly be.

Reply to Soul
Posted by: Bob' s Girlfriend | 2009/03/30

I have been with my b/f for 5 years he' s never proposed either and I know he never will.

I can learn to accept it, because I do want to get married, or I can make an issue out of it and loose him.

I could get someone to marry me and he could be mean to me and not love me or me him.

I am with Bob and he loves me and treats me better than he ever did his x wife.

So what would you prefer? To be happily unmarried with your guy or to me unhappily married to someone else?

Reply to Bob&#39 s Girlfriend

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