Posted by: Scared | 2008/01/28

Is he back to hurt me?

I broke up with my ex bf on 11 Feb last year, now it's almost a year after we broke up but he still contacts me. we had a really messy break up, I even had to get a protection order to keep him away from me, it worked for a while as he stopped contacting me but he still continued contacting my friends and discussing about me. this continued for about four months then it was finally quiet. He started sending me abusive emails in November last year, I'm not sure what I should do now, I have replied to some of his abusive and insulting emails but I stopped as the situation was almost getting out of hand again. He now sends me work related emails, I have not replied to any of these as I am afraid to get him started again. I am also afraid to call the police because he might try to do something to hurt me once he gets bail or if not arrested at all, but then again if I ignore him he might start thinking that I approve of him sending me emails, I think he's still bitter about the break up, he tells people he doesn't want to get back together with me but fails to tell them why he still contacts me even after this long, it seems like he snaps when something reminds him of me. I think he still wants to hurt me for breaking up with him. My concern is that he is back after so long and the break up happened a year ago, do you think he could be dangerous and what could I do to protect myself when it seems like the protection order isn't working? I am trying not to panic and convince myself he won't do anything life threatening but i'd rather be safe and i would like to get your views on the matter.

Thank You.

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Our expert says:
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Maybe revisit the court for a revised court order, forbidding him to contact you directly OR INDIRECTLY, and forbidding him from harassing you directly or indirectly. Do NOT, repeat NOT respond to any abusive e-mails from him, but carefully keep copies of every one of them, and go back to court with this evidence that he is breaking the order --- he could even go to jail, depending on the terms of the court order.
If he has made threats to you, that in itself is a crime. And call POWA which is specifically desiogned to help women in such situations.
And remember, a protection order doesn't work by magic --- if he breaks its terms you have to inform the police and the court and have them apply it --- they can't follow him around 14/7 to catch him at it.

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