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Question
Posted by: SK | 2006/11/01

Is he afetr sex?

I met a guy 4 months ago, and a month later we had sex and we both enjoyed and he never stopped talking about it. My problem is I don't feel loved and I don't get much of attention from him. Normally when I go to his workplace he doesn't hug me not even a kiss on a cheek, won't hold my hand in public or whenever we are together. He on;y calls me like once a day and will only ask me when am I coming to his place. I so much feel that he only wants sex from me, We never went out for a movie, lunch or drinks together. i once invited him for a movie and he was not interested. I once with him at his office as he was working overtime and he bought a drink for himself then later asked me if I want one, I was like Hello do you have to ask me that. Yesterday during lunch he called and asked me to come to his place after work and I refused and told him how I feel about thius relationship and he said I'm overreacting and he is a very shy person that he can't evenly hug me in front of people. He kept on calling me later and I ignored his calls. I don't think I will survive in this relationship Its really not working for me. Am I being unfair if I end it? Should I wait and see if he will change and understand how I feel and what I want? Are shy people really like this? i don't know All I want is for him to show me the love go out with me, to make me feel loved and appreciated. Is it too early to ask for these.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Sounds very much as though it's only sex he wants from you and only sex he is prepared to give to you. its not necessarily about whether he'll hug you in front of people, which might indeed be influenced by shyness on his side --- but does he introduce you to others, and in what way ? And does he enjoy spending non-sexual time with you ? I don't see what would be unfair for you to decide to end this relationship. What you're asking for is not unreasonable

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Little L | 2006/11/02

Move on. He is using you. He clearly isnt interested in a real healthy relationship. Your relationship now is based on sex. if thats wht you want then fine. but if not then end it. he wont change or stop to evaluate the situation- he will only "try" change things coz you taking away something he wants.

Reply to Little L
Posted by: funky | 2006/11/02

girl MOVE ON, he is a self centred somebody YOU DERSEVE BETTER THAN THAT.

ALL THE BEST!!!!!!!!!

Reply to funky
Posted by: No No No! | 2006/11/01

Please don't try and go through mesures like that. Al the signs are there....he only wants sex, you are only four months into this relationship and you've allready got so many problems. Don't compromize yourself here! Do you think you can after giving him another chance look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself I am proud of myself it was a good desision or are you going to think I failed myself I wasn't being true to myself....and be HONEST about it. Someone who cares, doesn't matter how shy they are will put you first, he will buy you drinks and won't expect you to run after his arse! And there is no excuse for that, so don't listen to any, he is bullshitting you!

Reply to No No No!
Posted by: kat | 2006/11/01

point is you want more and he isnt prepared to give it and it does sound more like sex to me, dont settle for less than what you want.

Reply to kat
Posted by: SK | 2006/11/01

Thanks, I have tried talking to him and he feels that I 'm asking too much and he will not say a think will just say Okay I understand but doesn;t act on that. CS the only person I was introduced to is his brother they stay together anyway. When we are together I always try to play games with him, cuddle and talk about nothing joke with him sometimes I feel like I'm in this relationship with an invisible man. I think he is unexperienced or never had a relationship before, Should I maybe ask him about his past relationships why he broke up with these ladies maybe that will explain his behavior. Or maybe he is gay but doesn't want to accept that I just don't know

Reply to SK
Posted by: Candy | 2006/11/01

Well, his lack of public affection could be due to him being shy!
However, not taking you out or doing anything other than having sex at his place is not behaviour one would expect from someone who likes someone else as a person and not an object!
It could be that he's a typical guy, inexperienced with women and relationships. He may not understand that a women needs to be treasured and treated (not lavishly or expensively) I mean how much is a cup of coffee? A lot of men think that sex means love and that that's enough. Maybe you should talk to him calmly and tell him what a womens needs are, he may just need some clarity. It's never too early for signs of affection, the gestures are just smaller initially. First date equals 1 rose, serious relationship= bunches if you follow what I mean:)

Reply to Candy
Posted by: Lole | 2006/11/01

Hi sister gal what i know is that when a guy loves you and wants to be with you he is not going to be afraid to show you affection whether in public or not, this has nothing to do with him being shy he is just a selfish person who is only looking out for himself.If he is shy he would not have the nerve to always invite you to his house.Love you deserve better than what the looser is offering you(be hard to get -dont shag him then you will know what he is trully after) Good luck

Reply to Lole
Posted by: Echelle | 2006/11/01

Normally in the beginning it will be really strange for someone not wanting to hold your hand or hug you and kiss you. You guys must be all over each other, you 2 are suppose to be so in love that you can't keep your hands off each other - that's normal for someone dating for only 4 months.

Well, I'm kind of shy, but it doesn't stop me from kissing someone in public or hugging and holding hands.

Keep on ignoring him, you'll know if he really loves you or not, or tell him - if it doesn't change for the better it won't work.

Well, hope there's a good reason for everything.

Reply to Echelle

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