Posted by: frightened | 2008/08/26

is girl being abused or used by my mom?

Hi.Pls I need urgent advise.My family hates the guy I have been dating for the last 4 yrs. He is also the father of my youngest daughter.I have recently found out that my parents constantly interrogate my 9 yr daughter re what happens in our house and about my son (13) and my boyfriend. She says they constantly ask if my teenager watches porn, has sex, etc. They also keep warning her that my boyfriend will do something horrible to her and abuse he &  everytime they ask if he gets close to her or interferes with her etc. My boyfriend stays with me and he and my other 2 kids got along perfectly. They actually gang up against me!
My ex husband has recently told my 2 kids he wants to get back with me and my mom has also told the kids how great it would be if I left my boyfriend and married their dad.
This morning I asked my daughter if she knows why my mom keeps insinuating things are wrong at home. So she told me they always ask her if my boyfriend abuses her etc. She told my mom twice he put his hand on her lap over her privates! My mom never told me this.
I asked my boyfriend and he denies this, he wasn’ t angry or anything he just suggested we maybe all chat to a social worker as he knows my daughter won’ t lie on purpose, but he also denies trying to touch her. I don’ t know what to believe.I’ m not sure how to handle this at all.I don’ t know if my mom’ s constant nagging,questioning &  stories of abuse to her made her oversensitive and scared, or if I am indeed living with a monster.He has offered to move out of the house till this is resolved with the social workers.My daughter still runs up to him everytime she sees him and hasn’ t shown any fear towards him.I just don’ t understand the situation right now.I’ m also angry with my parents for constantly prying her for info instead of chatting to me.Or even opening up to me their fears instead of my 9yr old. My daughter is has improved at school lately and made new friends,so I ave' t notice a difference in her.
Sorry this mail is so long.

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Our expert says:
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Only they themselves can tell you what is going on, though they might not want to tell you. Maybe your ex and your parents are conspiring to try to get you back tofgether, and to disturb your current relationship. Have ANY of your children said anything to you about your bf doing anything creepy with them ? Can you talk about this, calmly, with them ? It is odd of your parents not to have discussed this with you, and it is not good for the kids for them to keep badgering a child looking for ammunition. If your daughter is doing better at school lately, this doesn't necessarily sound as thouh any abuse s taking place. Maybe a child psychologist could help you assess her gently and clarify this

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Our users say:
Posted by: Maria | 2008/08/26

Hugs. You sound like a really good mom. Perhaps you, bf and kids can all go for some family therapy together to deal with all these issues. Can you limit the time your daughter spends alone with your parents? It doesn' t sound as if they necessarily have her best interests at heart.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: frightened | 2008/08/26

thx for the response. I am such a wreck right now.I was abused by my stepfather for years and my mom always covered it up. The last thing I want is for my daughter not be protected by me.

Reply to frightened

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