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Question
Posted by: annelize | 2004/01/19

Is 8 years enough time

I have been married for 8 years have 2 childeren, I would like to have your opinion on this, My husband drinks a lot and also takes anti depressed tablets which makes him very moody there by I mean that he shouts and me and children he made promises to me that this will stop and I went back to this marraige I have had enough of this and would like to get out of this situation people tell me that I should stay in this relationship but I had enough, I need get out and I am pressured by family members to stay. He can be a kind person when he wants to by most of the time he is rude and hostile towards us. What do I do ? stay or go

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Dear annelize,
He drinks a lot --- that's the problem. Antidepressants don't themselves make him moody and hostile. Taking them together with excessive alcohol can make him even more drunk than the amount of alcohol itself would produce, and also usually interferes with the effectiveness of the antidepressant medicine. The combination is NEVER recommended, and I doubt whether he has admitted to the prescribing doctor, how much he is drinking, and that doctor needs to know if he is to be able to be properly helpful.
Hear what your family say, but don't let them make the decisions for you --- they don't have to live with him.
He needs to know that however loving he might be between times, his hostile behaviour when he gets drunk, is unacceptable, and unless he sincerely agrees to get into proper expert treatment for THAT, which sounds so much like his main problem, you may very well want to think of the alternative of leaving him. Such an ultimatum may make him face the important choice between wife and family --- and alcohol, and to decide which one he loves most and wants to keep.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Liz | 2004/01/20

My husbands dad suffers from depression and when my husband was young he started using alcohol. It started off slowly and progressively got worse. He is now a full blown alcoholic, abusive and jobless. My motherinlaw has stuck by him through this and now she is the only one with a job. She pays for everything, and relies on family for any extras. He is still drinking using his pension money to buy it. My husband and his siblings basicly hate him and tried for many years to get her to leave him. They want her to leave him and live a little.

Reply to Liz
Posted by: Paul | 2004/01/20

2 Quick Points,

1) Tell your family to come and live with the bastard,

2) Your husband is stupendiously irresponcible, YOU ARE NOT SUPPOSED to CONSUME ALCOHOL while taking AD Drugs!! Duh!!

Reply to Paul
Posted by: ANNELIZE | 2004/01/19

Thanks for the advise I needed somebody else to look at this that is not involved .

Reply to ANNELIZE
Posted by: Soul | 2004/01/19

Hi

First off stop worrying about family members and what they say, they don't live with him you do and you need to do what's best for you and your children.

Speak to your hubby have him see another doctor or even the same one but the medication his on seems to me to be affecting his behaviour toward you and the children.

Let him know you are prepared to stand with him but not under the conditions you have been, he needs the right medication and not one that has him in these moods constantly.
His drinking is causing more problems and making the situation alot more worse. He needs to decide whether his drink is more important to him or is his family more important to him but one of the 2 his going to loose. And he needs to decide which one is worth holding onto.
If his not prepared to work on getting the help he needs well then my Dear you'll have your answer and you can move on with your life with your children and find happiness.

Forget about your family, you and your children come FIRST and that's the only way it should be, and if the family is affended by it let them live with him and feel what it feels like and see how they like it, your children deserve more than what they are going through.

I hope it works out for you & your children.
Take Care
Soul

Reply to Soul
Posted by: same boat | 2004/01/19

please do not listen to family members to stay in this relatonship - like I did! they don't have to live with this guy day in and day out. if he cannot keep to his promises now, he will never. they want to be gentle and kind on their terms, and to hell with us! if you are real sure that you can cope on your own, and you and the kids will be happier out of this marriage than in it, please get out. I know what it is like. at least you have the courage to leave, unlike me
good luck.

Reply to same boat

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