Our expert says:
Not much sign of gratitude from them ! While most children may want to help their parents When it is possible for them to do so, parents should not assume that this is their right. THEY chose to have children, and having done so it was indeed their duty to bear the costs of raising those kids. But having children is not a guaranteed insurance policy that you can then retire and expect them to support you.
If they have failed to make proper provision for their older age, that's their responsibility, not yours.
It is unaceptable for them to set conditions on seeing one of your sons but specifying that you, your husband and especially the other son must not be present - either they can make a friendly visit to the whole family, or not come. They should not be given the power of dicatators. IT also sounds like a really bad idea for the oldest sone to visit them alone. Not without the rest of yourselves as chaperone.
It is not a benefit for your elder son to see an embittered pair who may be psychologically abusive to him and spread their own bitterness. He loses nothing if he doesn't see them until they become more reasonable.
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