Posted by: Louise | 2008/11/18

irrisponsible mother

My boyfriend has a 4 year old daughter who I adore. She lives with her mother in another town. My bf picks up his daughter every second weekend and she spends the weekend with us. We have been together for a year. The problem is, the mother has had about 6 different boyfriends - all who have been introduced to the child. I feel this is wrong, she is teaching the child it is normal to have so many men etc... and I worry about his daughter being abused by one of '  mommys boyfriends'  . I want the daughter to come live with us, as we have a stable home, earn good money and can provide better for the child.

Am I wrong in wanting this? (to take the child away from the mother). I am 26 and my boyfriend is 33. The mother is 25.

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Our expert says:
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Abuse is of course always an unpleasant possibility, but the risk is not necessarily increased by the sequence of boyfriends. Its certainly unfortunate and confusing for a child. Its not WRONG for you to think of caring for the child, though you don't seem to know whether, despite the bfs, she might be a good mother, or whether she doesn't really care and would prefer the child to be cared for by someone else.
Do you plan to marry this father ? And what does he think about your ideas about this ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: Louise | 2008/11/19

Hi there. It is not that I am jealous of the mother etc... But the child keeps asking if she can live with us, as she never sees her mother anymore. I am genuinely concerned that the child gets taken advantage of by one of these many men. My intensions are sincere and honest (maybe paranoid?). We do plan to be married, and even though we have only been together for a year, we have known each other for 3 years. I respect they share a child together and I would never ever do anything to prevent my bf from being a good father, or try ‘ replace’  the childs mother.

I know it is not my place to interfere, but I do love the little girl and I don’ t want any harm to come to her –  the mother is a nice person, but very naï ve and desperate to get out of the town she is living in, so is basically looking for a ‘ man to save her’ . My bf agrees with my concerns, but he travels a lot for business so is not home often enough to care for his daughter alone.

Reply to Louise
Posted by: and me | 2008/11/19

Not your child. Will never be. Part of your b/f and his ex and will always be.
A child forms a strong connection between his/her mother and father. Can never ever be broken. Can you live with that?

Reply to and me
Posted by: Um | 2008/11/19


I believe that your reaction has got nothing to do with jealousy, but I think it' s better if you rather just leave it. Or you could mention it to your bf, the fact that you want the daughter to live with you two, or maybe you should wait till you and the bf have a more stable relationship. Engaged/Married

I feel sorry for the child, damage wil in deed be done.

Reply to Um
Posted by: Je | 2008/11/18

My ex' s wife aswell tried to take my child away from me- she was so jealous even though i left my ex for being a good-for-nothing...she still somehow thinks that i want him... i left him in 2000- go figure... in 2005 she tried with all her might as well, even got the welfare to investigate me- they laughed in her face since they knew she is just another jealous step-mom.....PS: I nearly sued the welfare for trying that crap... looks like you are another jealous freak who cannot take the fact that your new man has a old love and a child. Get over it. Grow up... Last time i spoke to her dad was in 2000 as well, he does not pay a cent maintenance, never phones, never sees her... since SHE handles all he afairs... my daughter does not even remember her father.....
Nor the STEP MOTHER.....
Get your face out of the woman' s are irresponsible..

Reply to Je
Posted by: Anonnie | 2008/11/18

This child is not and will never be yours.
If you have a problem with the way the mother is raising her, that is YOUR problem. Phone the wellfare if there is abuse of any kind, and get them to investigate, but don' t stick your nose where it doesn' t belong.
This is your boyfriend and his ex' s child, NOT yours.

Reply to Anonnie
Posted by: Dineo | 2008/11/18

Poor child and now the father has introduced the baby to another girlfriend and by next year he might introduce her to another woman.I am a single mother of 10 and broke up with his father when she was 1 for the past 9 years I' ve dated maybe 6 or more guys and it didn' t work out.
As much as I love my child i wish to be with his father again but we just can' t.
As long as both parents are there for a child who is the next person to tell if she is a better mother than me the biological mom.
Concentrate on your relationship with this man.If you really have a stable home why can' t you get married.

Reply to Dineo

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