Posted by: Jule | 2004/02/24


Hi, I am in my early 20's. I have never been involve in a any sexual encounters. I am abit shy and now and then I do get self-consicious but I totally don't lack confidence. The problem is everytime I want to get involve with someone that I Iike. I completeley shut off from that person and avoid that person. And I know for fact nothing has happen to me(abuse) when I was young or while growing up. This is really getting to me. Why do I fear intimacy?

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Our expert says:
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Dear Jule,
I'm sure other readers have been through this sort of experience, too. And it's probably not really a question of fearing intimacy as such ( you'll probably find you really enjoy intimacy when you get to it ), but an issue of shyness, feeling socially awkward, unsure of how to go about it, and fear of making a fool of yourself. So probably when a relationship sharts to look as if it may go even a bit deper than the level at which you fel confident that you can cope fine with it, you switch off to avoid having an opportunity to learn what comes next.
It may well be that letting yourself be a bit more cool, relaxing, and letting your instincts and the responses of the other person, guide you further, may open you to some rather interesting lessons in life.

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