Posted by: in the middle | 2007/04/09

interrogation by family

My father passed away in December, since then my mother has not been able to cope and has self medicated to a point of being demented, I have temporarily placed her in frail care, so that her routine is organised and medication is administed to her by medical staff. My mom and brother seem to think I have done her an injustice and her circumstances are now driving her insane. My brother and his ex-wife want to take care of my mother, but I know that their agenda is not what it seems, my mother hands out money and the like to them at the slightest hint from them!

So it is a situation where they are pulliing at the one side, me at the other and the rest of the family are relucant to get involved. but ask a lot of pointed. I am sensitive, and and feel guilty that I am robbing my mother of her home!

How do I answer these questions from the famiily when I am not even really sure of my decisions!

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Our expert says:
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Insane, of course, is a lay person's term, not used by a psychiarist. Depending on what she self-medicates with, most of the usual culprits would indeed damage her mental state and coudl make her confused and less than competent. In the complex and unpleasant situation you describe, it may be worth consulting a good lawyer, who could apply to a Court for a Competency Hearing to assess her ability to cae for herself, and to manage her afgfairs, and could appoint someone, maybe yourselfor a bank manager, as her guardian in such matters. Within such hearing your concerns about your brother's motivation. It sounds very odd for his EX-wife to be involved in this matter at all --- how ex is she ? Anyhow, the legal route could enable a more dispassionate and neutral assessment and decision, with less resultant suspicion that anyone is acting for their own benefit and not hers.

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