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Posted by: Twanette | 2004/09/29

Inspirasie BROOD nodig!

Ek het baie goed gevoel (eintlik uitstekend) tot gisteraand na ons liefde gemaak het, dit was onbevredigend en onpersoonlik!

Ek het na my mantras geluister vir 25 minute en toe maar probeer slaap, 2:00 het ek opgestaan ek het geweier om ‘n slaappil of kalmeerpil te drink en maar bietjie gaan TV kyk, ek het voor die TV aan die slaap geraak en omtrent 3:00 weer in die bed gaan klim.

Vanoggend het ek weer met ‘n lee gevoel wakker geword, eintlik nie leeg nie hartseer oor my kinders, bekommerd oor die toekoms, ek weet dit is as gevolg van die onbevredigende seks maar waarom dit my so pla weet ek nie, is dit veronderstel om my te pla?

Ek sien vanoggend ‘n foto van my seuntjie en vaagweg dink ek die kind lyk bekend tot ek met ‘n skok agter kom dit is MY kind! Hulle voel so vêr…Bennie het vanoggend ook vêr gevoel, ek weet nie wat’s fout nie.

My hart kry fisies seer as ek net begin dink aan alles ek weet ek moet positief bly maar wat van die toekoms? Waarom pla dit my so!

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Our expert says:
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twanette,
Sounds like a situation deserving you both getting involved in mariage counselling, as it seems to be based in the sexual and emotional aspects of your relationship. From the sound of it, it's not simply one night of unsatisfying sex that left you feeling so odd and unhappy, but what that suggested or represented to you. And thence those feelings of concern and uncertainty. And of course after a night of disturbed sleep, we dont function as well as usually.
I wonder whether maybe he feels guilty and embarassed about not being so able to satisfy you sexually, so he doesn't like talking about it, whereas there are many ways in which he can be helped to function far better, not only for your sake, but for his own, to enjoy himself more. I doubt that there's anything physically wrong with him at all.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Wannahelp | 2004/09/29

Ek dink Kernel slaan die spyker op die kop. Mans sien seks anders as ons vrouens. Vir ons emosie, vir hulle net fisies. As hy nog nie 'n huis met 'n ander vrou gedeel het nie, verstaan hy nie wat jy nodig het nie.

Reply to Wannahelp
Posted by: Kernel | 2004/09/29

Dit lyk nie of die daad per se vir jou ongelukkigheid verantwoordelik is nie, maar eerder die "emosie" wat daarmee gepaard gaan. Jy het 'n duidelike behoefte aan geborgenheid - iets wat jy nie op hierdie stadium van jou maat ontvang nie.

Tensy hy verander en duidelik sy gevoelens en liefde vir jou toon gaan dit nie verander nie. Jy voel afgeskeep, onbemind en nie werklik deel van hom nie. Dalk moet julle iiets soos 'n huweliksverrykingskursus bywoon waar pare leer om mekaar te waardeer en hoe om liefde en waardering vir mekaar te toon.

Reply to Kernel
Posted by: lady nina | 2004/09/29

hi girl

net my 2 c - jy kla met a wit brood onder die arm.....

die man gewe jou liefde en is goed vir jou kinders, jy het sekuriteit .... mens kan nie alles he nie en ek dink jy het a goeie deal hier

veral omdat hy goed is vir jou kinders

nina

Reply to lady nina
Posted by: Twanette | 2004/09/29

Thanks everybody I DO feel better now, I will keep on loving him because I love him to bits.

And then just slowly try and make things better.

I just hope I am not wasting my time and that this problem will still be their in 10 years time!

It is just that everytime it happens all these ghosts jump out of the closet and I feel uncertain again.

Reply to Twanette
Posted by: Shaun | 2004/09/29

Sorry, I was meant to apologise for responding in english. It was just easier to express my thoughts.
I agree with you, sex is very important in a marriage, but it's not the only thing.
There are other things you can do. Be provocative, be suggestive, find out what he likes, be naughty now & then. Lots of things, of which I'm sure the proper therapist would be able to guide you more better.
I will tell you though, that us guys are very finicky when it comes to our libido, or at least I know that is true about me. & yes you're right, no guy wants to be told he's lousy in bed, no matter how you try & colour it. I would say that the thing is to get him excited about it that he can't wait to do more stuff with you, but I get ahead of myself here.
His age & health could be a problem too. As I mentioned, these are only options that you could look at. But at the moment we are only grasping at straws as to what the problem might be. Carry on with your loving attitudes. Hopefully you could work it out in such a way that he goes & checks himself out on his own, because of his need to satisfy you. Something he must want to do.
Our egos are very fragile, it has an adverse effect on our blood supply...
All is not lost Twanette. There honestly is hope for you. Subtlely make an issue of it, but don't make it an ISSUE, if that makes sense.

Take care,
Shaun

Reply to Shaun
Posted by: Twanette | 2004/09/29

We have tried to talk about it......he gets upset.

It seems that he really could not bother about it. The problem started about 3 months after we moved in together.

I know he loves me, what concerns me is that he has got a very low libido and his Father had a Prostate operation!

What if their is something wrong with him?

A relationship can not be complete without fulfillment for both sides!

He tells me everyday that he loves me, but can not or will not show it the way i want him to show me!

I am to scared to talk to him! He wil just get upset again! How can I tel him that he is not good in bed, that will upset any guy!

He has no desire to get to know me better intimatelly.

Reply to Twanette
Posted by: Shaun | 2004/09/29

This doesn't sound like an easy situation. Are you saying that the sex was always a problem or is it just recently?
I would strongly suggest that you guys discuss this together, & alternatively seek professional counselling, & maybe even guidance.
As well, maybe you are inadvertantly putting pressure on him that it interferes with his performance. I'm not saying that you are, but it's something for you to look at & discuss.
It is not a lost situation, you can sort it out. There are also urologists that can be consulted to make sure of any physical defects if any. & of-course there is Viagra.

Don't despair Twanette. If you are that happy with this man at the moment with everything else, it just takes a little bit of work/effort & you can make a difference.

There is a lot you can do to get to the bottom of this, & I hope that once you take the first step, you find it easier. Please come back & let us know how it goes, Just don't give up so easily.

Regards,
Shaun

Reply to Shaun
Posted by: Twanette | 2004/09/29

Ek het al 'n hele paar "postings" gedoen:

Kortliks ek is na 'n huwelik van 18 jaar geskei, my twee seuns weens omstandighede wat my ex veroorsaak het bly by hom. Een is 14 ander een 7 dit is reeds nou drie jaar terug wat hulle by hom gaan bly het.

Nou 4 jaar later het ek 'n wonderlike man ontmoet hy was nog nooit getroud nie is reeds 41 en het nog nooit sy huis met 'n ander vrou gedeel nie.

Ons sukkel so bietjie met die seksueele kant hy is nie baie "keen" daaroor nie. Dit is seker 'n "posting" vir die sexologist wat ek ook reeds gedoen het, maar ongelukkig maak dit my verskriklik depresief en dan begin ek twyfel of hy die regte persoon is vir my. Ek bly nou byna 'n jaar lank by hom en het glad niks om oor te kla nie. Dis net die seksueele kant wat my verskriklik aftrek.

Ek hoop dit verduidelik alles...

Reply to Twanette
Posted by: Wannahelp | 2004/09/29

Ek het gesoek na jou vorige postings om beter te verstaan, maar ek kry net een waar jy sê jy sien 'n sielkundige of iets.

Ek lei af jou kinders is nie by jou nie. Is jy getroud met die man by wie jy geslaap het?

Reply to Wannahelp
Posted by: Shaun | 2004/09/29

Hi Twanette,

Is dit die eerste keer wat jy so oor julle seks lewe voel??? Wil net weet voordat ek kommentaar, as ek mag.

Lekker bly,
Shaun

Reply to Shaun

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