Posted by: Extreme Confused | 2008/08/21


hi there,

I am not sure if I am posting in teh right place.

Let me start by saying, that I am in a relationship of two years (in November it will be two years) It took us about 4 years to get together as neither of us would admitt liking one another to the other, and he also lived overseas, so it didnt make things any easier. We evenutally got together and he came home from London for me!

Lately well not lately, the last about 10 months we have the same arguments about me being insecure and not trusting him etc,

I had been single for around 4 years before we got together, this was boy choice, as the guy i was dating before that we were together for 6 years, he used to take alot of drugs behind my back which I only found out after we broke and he also cheated on me! When he chated on me, I found that I became insecure and taht I begged him to come back to me (this was not normal as I was a very confident and sometimes too proud a girl) we eventually got back together and I found that I couldnt tforget and acutally neither forgive (for obvious reasons)
I stayed single for thsoe 4 years as every guy I did meet, only lasted a week or two as they used to play me so ealsily.

I think that this has stayed with me, and I cannot seem to shake thsi and these old demons are coming up and ruining my current relationship! I was seeing a psychologist at one stage, who was helping me to get over this and making me realise that no man can be painted teh same colour as another.

somedays I feel that if I forgive the ex for what he did to me I can move on.. it was so long ago though, I dont know If i have forgiven but not forgotten.
My new boyfriend, has said we should see someoen together, he is at witt' s end and I know that I am minutes away from loosing him!
I dont have reason to doubt him, but will find things to worry about and make them problems, and then tell him about this, in turn making him feel liek he cannot be trusted.
He always says to me he is a good person and would never do that to me and hates the way i make him feel by believing he would hurt me like this.

I guess what im asking is, how would one take that leap of faith and forget the past? i am so scared to look naive and stupid again.

hope this makes sense.

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Our expert says:
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See a personal counsellor, preferably of the realistic CBT type methods, to work on your insecurities and habits of thought and behaviour which undermine your chances of getting what you want.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: friendly neighbor | 2008/08/25

what can you lose by trusting,if you dont then you will lose all you can do is trust otherwise lose him.

good luck,trust comes with to much to soon and it can hurt you,sdo take it slow and build that trust thru time.

Reply to friendly neighbor
Posted by: Lolo | 2008/08/21

read Post 1900. Jealousy / insecurity / anxiety L4H lot of advise has been given to L4H and maybe you can grab something there too.

Reply to Lolo

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