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Question
Posted by: merce | 2004/02/27

Insecure,jealous and unhappy what must I do?

why cant I control my anger towards him?

I been going out with this guy 4 8yrs now this is our 9th I love this guy more than anything. The problem with me is that I am insecure and jealous. I am always angry at him, I cannot be happy when I see him. We have a 11mths old baby and we cant just for a minute stop arguing. I always accuse him on cheating on me I dont why. My boyfriend is well known 4 using girls and dumping them. And I can help but think that he is still seeing other women. He lives alone in his flat. When I go there 4 a visit I tell myself that I am going to have fun and love each other but I when he's out maybe going to buysomething I go through his things and I hate myself for doing this, because I dont trust him at all I dont why. I am even jealous of his friends bcos he spends most of the time with them. Plz tell what to do? Im always sad and depressed. I sometimes cry myself to sleep its not good!!! anonymous

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Dear merce,
As you know, acting so suspiciously can easily create the situation you're dreading, even if it wasn't there to start with. How about counselling to sort out your end of the problems, and in counselling you can plan in greaer detail how better to handle him ?

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: merce | 2004/02/28

I think so. I need counselling but I dont know any one who can help me. I love this man very much but if I dont have trust in him. Its either he is going to lose me or I am going to lose him. I want my child to know her father and for him to always be there for her child. I mean what must I do to regain trust. To believe him when he tells me something. I cant even trust him to go out with her child because I am afraid he will meet some girl somewhere. I dont want mychild to be held by girls or anyone who I dont know. We blacks we are always afraid of witchcraft. She is my first child so I really dont trust anyone!!! Is there anyone one doc who you know can help me????

Reply to merce
Posted by: Merce | 2004/02/27

thanks kernel 4 answering me. I think so 2 he is 2 comfortable with the fact that he is living alone. the problem is that my child is stil too small and I dont want to take her to a nursery/daycare centre she still to small. Because both of us are working so, I need some1 to take care of her daily? SO we cant live together. How do gain trust someone you know very well that he had always cheated on his past girlfriends with other girls? Do you think I can change that kind of person? Because its something he is used 2 it. do you think I can change him Because I think he hasnt stopped! I think he is still doing it!! I am always asking myself what is his intentions!!

Reply to Merce
Posted by: Kernel | 2004/02/27

Do you mean he's been using other women and dumping them during the past 8 years while you were going out with him? If that is the case then you definately cannot trust him.

Why did you two not move in together after the baby or does he not want to be part of the upbringing of his child?

It seems that he has a very nice set-up going without any of the responsibilties that goes with it. He can come and go as he pleases and you have to be happy with any crumbs he throws your way. Anybody would be suspicious under these circumstances!

You need to discuss your relationship with him and make a decision on where it is heading. You cannot eternally wait for him to make a move because he won't - the current situation is cozy and suits him fine. Your expectations from this relationship should be much higher and you should force the issue.

Reply to Kernel

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