Posted by: julie-ann | 2004/10/29

Insecure husband

Three years ago, i got remarried to a wonderful man. Who I believed loved me and my 2 daughters from my previous marriage. But my problem is he is so insecure, that he becomes so jealous and possessive. He has driven me away from all my interests such as gardening and reading. As he says I never spend time with him. Which is not true. When he wants to go fishing, (so he gets to do the things he wants ) I never complain. but the minute he gets home he expects me to drop all the things I was doing and give him attention. So I no longer enjoy reading, as he will nag & nag that I end up reading the same page 20 times. So now I dont even bother.
He has driven all my male friends away. As he accuses them of being too friendly with me. We use to socialise with our friends at braai's etc. But I no longer wish to do this as he will get emotionally upset with his jealousy and make things uncomfortable, that I no longer wish to go out. So the best thing to do is stay at home. If I go to visit my female friends, he will wait 20 minutes and start phoning me and asking what time, am I coming home. My daughter has a friend, living with her dad, who I have also been accused of having an affair with him because I go to pick up my daughter from her friends house and stay in the car and chat to her dad, I am having an affair. Once he came to fetch his daughter from my house ( I was at work )and my husband told the girls he was going to hit my daughters friends dad. The girls were very upset and told him he was being silly. He even asked the friends dad if he was having an affair with me. This was very embarrassing for the girls aswell as myself, because I feel belittled.
We can make passionate love tonight, ( which is very intimate and meaningful to me ) and the next evening he tells me, he feels unloved and I must tell him if I am having an affair. What does he think I am a SLUT ! to sleep with him and then have no feelings.
This has caused me to not want to make love to him anymore. I dont feel attracted to him in that way no more.
This insecu;ity is also causing my children to loose respect for him as he is permantly making a fuss in front of the girls.
How do I get through to him that there is no one else..

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Dear j-a,
You certainly are describing an enormously insecure man. There's nothing at all wrong with you, but he really does need to work on his self-esteem. His low self-esteem leads him to do these ridiculous things, which leads others to laugh at him, which makes him feel more insecure, which leads him towards doing more foolish things....
Counselling, and joint marriage counselling, is what is needed, such as through FAMSA. That's the way to achieve lasting, not temporary change

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Julie | 2004/10/29

Yes. I think u are right. Because his ex wife cheated on him. He has in the past admitted to this. and agreed to go see a doc. He went once and never went back. Now it appears that he only wants to do something, when I mention that I can not carry on living like this. Then he changes for a short while, but later repeats his old habits and it seems my relationship is like a wheel, going around and around. But nothing is really solved.

Reply to Julie
Posted by: insecure | 2004/10/29

Hi julie-ann

This might sound quite strange, but the man your husband is now, is what i have become because of my past experiences. I used to be a confident, happy and funloving man. Unfortunately i went through some traumatic times with my ex, she cheated on me after a 10 year relationship. Then I met someone new, who i took out all my insecurities on. I made our life a living hell. Its almost as if we need to be reassured all the time that we are loved. I think you should let your husband speak to a psychologist to work out his insecurities. I am dealing with mine at the moment.
Maybe this will help you understand a bit..............

Reply to insecure

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