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Question
Posted by: DoDo | 2007/05/14

Insecure

Hi there. Hope that you can help me. I am dating this guy and I find myself feeling very insecure in the relationship. The main reason being that he is scared of commitment and therefore can't give me what I want in this point in time.

I have this constant fear that he is going to leave me. I also know that when a person is needy and desperate that the other person sense this behavior and it is sort of a turn-off.

This is a shot in the dark, but is there something I can do to overcome this feeling of insecurity?

Thank you.

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Our expert says:
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If he really can't give you what you want at this time, and is scared of committing to you --- why exactly is it that you are dating him ? And why are you so scared that he might leave you --- might that not be a good thing for you ? See a counsellor, though, to deal with these issues of insecurity

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Our users say:
Posted by: J | 2007/05/14

sorry, which you INDIRECTLY said you are by saying he isn't able to commit and can't give you what you want at this point .... I think he's basically spelt it out for ya! And you just don't want to let go because of your insecurity. I hope you'll feel better soon.

Reply to J
Posted by: J | 2007/05/14

Hi ... I know that feeling all too well. I've also had that feeling for a very long time and it's so destructive. I think it's perhaps some sort of intuition, that two people don't necessary suit each other in the sense that each one has such different needs .... they can be worked out, but sometimes there is just too much of a difference and it would take so much effort to make it work. Sometimes it's low self-esteem because maybe you don't feel like you're being yourself whereas the other person is being himself. It's a tough one. Only way to overcome a sense of insecurity is to go through it (as opposed to just ignoring it, hoping it will go away) ... and to get through it you gotta be honest with yourself and your guy -- so you'd need to talk to your guy about it if you're serious about a relationship (which you said you are)

Reply to J

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