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Question
Posted by: Kosie | 2002/12/14

Insake Masturbasie

Graag wil ek die volgende verneem. Ek is al 18 jaar getroud met twee pragtige tiener kinders. Die probleem is dat my vrou tans glad nie meer 'n behoefte aan seks het nie en sy het ook mediese probleme wat seks vir haar onaangenaam maak. Is dit verkeerd van my om nou gereeld ten minste twee keer per week te masturbeer of dat ek haar vra om my te masturbeer terwyl ons in die badkamer is?
Ek wag vir u antwoord.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

Dear Kosie

People prefer masturbation to partner sex for a variety of reasons. Your wife may be angry with you about non-sexual (or sexual) things, and unwilling to tell you directly. She may mistrust you or fear sex with you. She may have sexual fantasies or desires that she's ashamed to admit to you, but which she can enjoy by herself.

It's possible that she simply doesn't like the way you make love together.She may not like the way you kiss or touch, or the way your bodies fit together, or the way your body smells, looks, or tastes. To dig a little deeper, her emotional development may not allow her to bond with an adult man within the challenges of mutual eroticism.

But this is probably not the question that interests you most. I think what you really want to know is, "How do I increase her sexual interest in me?"

When you are masturbating and you're getting aroused, are you in the same room? Are you close enough to touch? Do you do it in the bathroom or shower behind a closed door? Each of these would indicate a different level
of intimacy and comfort with sexuality.

There may be a workable compromise here. You can both enjoy cuddling or you stroking yourself while she masturbates. If these ideas don't work, you might want to pay less attention to masturbation so you don't get too
frustrated.

Many people assume that a man in this situation should be encouraged or required to masturbate less, figuring that his desire will then turn toward the available outlet, his partner. I have not found this to be the case.
Sexual desire isn't the same as hunger for food, in which people deprived of say, chicken, turn to beef rather than starve. Your desire for sex with yourself is probably not interchangeable with desire for her.

It's essential that you have a serious, straightforward conversation with her about this situation, without yelling or blaming. Let her know that your frustration will destroy the relationship sooner or later, regardless of how much you love each other. Since you're interested in finding a workable solution with or without professional help, give her the choice. If she agrees to contact someone, that's great, but don't find or call a therapist for her. When she's scared or worried enough to pursue change seriously, she'll be motivated to do it on her own.

Contact SA Sexual Health Association (0860 100 262) for telephonic counselling

Good luck
Dr Mac



The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Nobody | 2002/12/14

Kosie,

Ek en my vrou is nou 3mnde getroud ek is in my twintigs, ons het tenminste 3-4 keer 'n week seks, en ek masturbeer tussen in ook gereeld by myself of vra haar om dit te doen. As sy daarvan weet en julle is openlik daaroor is daar absoluut niks daarmee verkeerd nie.

Geniet dit ou maat, en glo dit of nie maar baie mans doen dit, getroud of nie getroud nie, baie seks of geen seks nie, en boonop het jy rede!

Chau

Reply to Nobody

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