Posted by: Colbie | 2008/07/09

Infertile & depressed

Hi CS,

I have secondary infertility and just started seeing a fertility specialist. My husband definitely wants another child. We have one child who will turn 5 soon. Have been trying ever since for another.

I am so depressed and feel like such a failure. I am fine during the day because work keeps me very busy. But at home, I feel so sad. I cry at night and I can't even explain why, if you ask me.I feel so heartbroken. I have one child and love my child to bits. But I have always wanted many children and so did my husband.

I have considered seeing a therapist,but I don't have time and can't get time off work.

I go through these really bad patches like this, and get very sad and cry for days, but I somehow pull through them and get caught up with my busy life. But the bottom line is, my heart is breaking. I know many women are in a similar or even worse position. But I just want to know how I can cope and handle this better.People always tell me to count my blessing and just be grateful for what I have,but I am so disappointed in my self, and this doesn't in any way console me and doesn't take away the pain I feel.I know that many women are desperately trying to have their first child, and I really should count my blessings. But it is so hard to accept that I may never have another. Help me please.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

OK, let's start by agreeing that you are NOT a failure --- relatiove infertility happens to some of us, male or female, through no fault of our own. And you didn't deliberately become less fertile so as to frustrate your husband. From the sound of it, you may well have Depression which should respond well to medication and/or CBT, and dealing properly with the depression can in fact enhance one's fertility.
The idea of counting your blessings makes excellent sense --- to people who aren't depressed and anxious. And when the problem is one major blessing which you don't have, the exerise if often not comforting.
Think carefully about ways to find the time to see maybe a CBT therapist, as this could help so much

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Gracie | 2008/07/10

You are truly blessed to have one child! A friend at work and my sister-in-law are both unable to have children. My sister-in-law dotes on my son and loves her to bits! She has so much to give a child, yet has not been blessed with one. She has had four miscarriages over a period of two and a half years and the doctors cannot seem to pinpoint the problem. My friend at work has PCOS and desperately wants a baby, but cannot. She has had 2 invitros, but both were unsuccessful. I sympathise with how you are feeling, but as Anxious said above, count your blessings. If I could wish for anything at this moment, I would wish for these two special women in my life to have the children they so desperately want. When I look at my three sons, I realise that they are the best things that ever happened to me in my entire life and - I had my first two children at a very young age - 19 & 22 and even if I could have my life over I would not change a thing! Another thing to consider, the problem could possibly be with your husband - he could have tests done as there could be a problem with his sperm count. Good luck - hope you feel better soon and enjoy the little person you have!

Reply to Gracie
Posted by: Maria | 2008/07/10

Hey Colbie

When you're really depressed, counting your blessing seldom make you feel better. The stress of trying to conceive, and even having a second baby, won't help either. I know how difficult it is to find time to see a therapist, but for your own quality of life (and that of your family), you will have to do just that. Make a plan. Offer to work the time in, or ask if you can take a day's leave and then use it up a couple of hours at a time. It will really be worth it to work through all these emotions with the help of a professional.

Take care

Reply to Maria
Posted by: anxious | 2008/07/10

Atleast you have that 1 child, Look at me Im 28 years old married for 5 years & infertile I cant have children & I dont even have 1. Count your blessings god blessed you with 1.

Reply to anxious
Posted by: P | 2008/07/10

Those ppl are right about you counting your blessings.Have it ever occured to u that maybe u r busy blaming urself for this and maybe the problem lies with ur hubby.It takes 2 ppl to make a baby u know.

Stop stressing and take care.All shall be fine!!!

Reply to P

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