Our expert says:
Some people have abundant self-confidence, even when others can't imagine why ; and others of us, with so many reasons to feel proud and sure of ourselves, lack such self-esteem. And others, starting out with appropriate and good self-confidence, find this severely challenged and damaged by deeply discouraging life experiences, as you have encountered.
You were and still are witty, charming and smart, even if you find it harder to tap into those parts of yourself. And from my experience of people with tertiary education, most of them are limited and unimpressive people with perhaps more self-esteem than they merit. But with the experiences you have been through, you are lacking practice in the social skills and affirming experiences you were used to.
And now, apparently, other distressing experiences.
Its disgraceful, of course, if there was anything like a 6-month waiting period for psych services at any state hospital - any hospital that has such waiting periods to deal with urgently painful conditions should be ashamed of itself and penalized for not meeting their constitutional obligations. And I wish that such long-term psych problems were recognized as deserving affirmative action as regards employment of the disabled. But that's another area where our givernment's fine promises have not yet been matched by actual effective action.
I don't think there's any mystery as to why you have been feeling discouraged ( a good word, that - one is, literally dis-couraged, having the courage removed ). This issue is more how to build more encouraging circumstances and situations, and finding ways to get some of the support you deserve. Check with your best local state services in hospital , maybe your nearest medical schooland push for proper help. And try lifeline and the Anxiety/Depression support group ( number on this page ) as their group meetings might help, and maybe they can also help you to find state services before too long
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