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Question
Posted by: frustrated | 2004/10/18

infatuated with the vagina

I have an amazing wife with every good attribute a man could ever ask for in a wife. She is beautiful and has an amazing body as well as personality. We have no relationship problems or sexual problems. We both love each other immensely. We have been together for many years and only been married for a few months. The only problem is that I constantly desire other women. I seem to never stop looking for affection from other women(maybe a smile or flirty look - my wife gives me plenty of this already) as well as lusting after them immensely. I am infatuated by the female body especially the vagina and sometimes will spend hours on end watching porn or just the naked female form. It often exites me more than having sex with my wife. I could never actually cheet on my wife but I feel like I'm cheeting anyway. I keep feeling very guilty. I've told her in a very subtle way and I know she gets very upset by it.
I can control my desires sometimes but they seem to always come back stronger. What can I do to gather all this desire and sexual attraction for other women and feel it for my wife.

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The Effects of Exposure to Sexually Explicit Material
Since the 1960s, research has been conducted to assess the effects of exposure to sexually explicit material. Primary attention has been paid to commercially produced materials intended to generate sexual arousal and/or activity in adult audiences. Three components have been of principal interest: (a) the degree of explicitness, (b) whether the material also contains aggression, and (c) whether it depicts women in demeaning and degrading ways.

Types of Materials. Most explicit books, magazines, and videos are marketed to heterosexual men. In recent years, more material has been produced by and for heterosexual women. There is also explicit material for gay men and lesbians, and other distinct groups. Nearly all of the material depicts nudity and explicit sexual acts ("hard core"). Less than 10% of the X-rated or hard-core material contains aggression, and very little of that aggression involves physical violence or rape (1%-3%). Although the volume of hard-core material has increased in recent years, it is no more violent today than in the past. R-rated material contains much more violence, but most R-rated films contain neither full nudity nor explicit sexual acts. Indeed, this material is often not even considered pornographic.

Some of the explicit material (15%-33% depending on the study), shows men in power over women, contains rape myths (e.g., the idea that women are sexually aroused by rough, abusive treatment) or demeans women in some other way. Very often it depicts people engaging in nonmarital, casual sexual encounters involving coitus, oral-genital, and other acts, and contains considerable variety in partners and positions.

Reactions. People vary in response to sexual materials: Some react negatively to all depictions, whereas, others find at least some material acceptable and arousing. Materials that are liked produce more positive emotions and greater sexual arousal than those that are disliked, for both sexes. Nonetheless, sexual arousal may occur even when people are mildly offended. Men tend to respond more positively to the more hard-core and male-dominated material; women tend to react more negatively to this material.

Individuals who hold authoritarian beliefs and have conservative social and religious attitudes tend to experience more sex guilt and react more negatively to explicit materials. Even if they do experience arousal, they judge the material to be undesirable.

Hypermasculine men tend to hold more negative and sexist attitudes toward women. They also are likely to believe that women respond positively to dominant, aggressive men. These men react more positively to scenes of sexual aggression and degrading portrayals of women. Most people, both men and women, respond negatively to this type of material.

Changes in sexual attitudes and sexual behavior. Repeated exposure generally increases tolerance of explicit material and to the behaviors depicted, except for those who start out with negative attitudes. Those who are aroused by the material are likely to engage in sexual acts, such as masturbation or coitus, within a few hours of exposure. Repeated short-term exposure results in increased disinterest and satiation, but after a period of no exposure, the impact is regained.

Attitudes toward women and aggressive behavior. For obvious ethical, moral, and legal reasons, researchers have not conducted experiments to determine whether exposure to material in which high levels of sexual explicitness and violence are both present leads to increased sexual violence. They have, however, looked at whether men with a history of such exposure are more likely to have committed sex crimes. Sex offenders tend to come from restrictive and punitive home environments. Compared to nonoffenders, they have had more undesirable experiences during childhood, including heightened exposure to sexual and physical abuse. Some offenders have had more exposure to explicit materials than other men, but early exposure alone does not increase the risk of becoming a sex offender.

In controlled laboratory research, individuals have been exposed to material containing (a) both aggression and explicit sex, (b) only aggression, and (c) only the sexual material. The results suggest it is exposure to aggression that triggers aggressive behavior. Exposure to sexual material alone does not increase aggression toward women. For most people, aggression and sex are incompatible. For a small percentage of men predisposed to aggression toward women, however, combining sex and aggression does stimulate arousal and aggressive responses.

The impact of exposure to sexist, demeaning material depends on the person's pre-existing attitudes. Under some conditions, those predisposed to negative views become more calloused and accepting of these negative views.

Is Pornography Harmful?
The answer is complex: "It depends." For those who believe that anything fostering more permissive attitudes toward sexuality or that even viewing others engaging in sexual acts is morally wrong, then exposure to explicit sexual material is clearly unacceptable. Others, however, believe that there is nothing wrong with permissive attitudes and being stimulated by explicit materials. Indeed, materials depicting consensual activity have been used in beneficial ways by therapists and educators to reduce anxiety and to improve sexual knowledge, and by individuals and couples to enhance their sexual pleasure.

There is complete agreement that material involving minors or promoting sexual acts with children is unacceptable. Although only a small proportion of explicit material clearly depicts sexual abuse, violence, and exploitation of women, material that promotes such behavior is also condemned. Explicit material blending sex and violence or depicting women in degrading ways may reinforce and possibly increase sexist attitudes and sexual aggression among those who already have those kinds of attitudes.

R-rated materials, although not extremely explicit, are very sexually suggestive, and they are the most violent. They promote sexist attitudes more than the X-rated materials. They are also far more prevalent and more easily accessible to younger, impressionable individuals. Sexist attitudes and violence toward women also are depicted frequently in everyday television fare, and sexual suggestiveness and somewhat explicit material are parts of many commercials. These are seen regularly by even younger audiences. Clearly, young people acquire beliefs and attitudes about men, women, sexuality, and relationships from this material. To the extent that our society views these attitudes as undesirable or harmful, there is reason for concern about such material.

Policy Implications
Exposure to material that contains sexist or violent depictions can promote undesirable attitudes and behaviors. Increased censorship, however, will not be effective in addressing the problems, for three reasons. Firstly, censorship is most often directed toward only the most sexually explicit material, leaving the much more problematic sexist and violent content of R-rated material untouched. Secondly, censorship would not end sexual exploitation or violence. The roots of those behaviors are far deeper in the culture. Sexist, sexually explicit material is more a symptom than a cause of female subordination and sexual violence. Finally, restrictions beyond the existing obscenity laws and protection for minors would create numerous other problems in a free, democratic society. Few sexual scientists judge the evidence as warranting additional restrictions.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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